Do you best in what you are doing

Job is less pressured lately, maybe bcz joy is brought around the working desk.
Reading and studying some useful information, trying to finish and follow things closely. Closer to the best.

Talked to my junior and learned how the people at my age, some actually are my peers at, develop their values and make them idols to be admired.
A bit envy at first.

But down deep inside, I know they worked hard to be at the top notch, that I partly congrat on their success. And me, there is a long way to go, there're a lot of things to do, and many places to set my footprint on. Need to keep educating myself daily. Need to learn new things daily. Need to develop daily. Slow, but strong.

Realize that why I'm struggling right now. All is good, my job, my accomodation, my life. But good is actually not good enough. Because I myself didn't do my best and use all of my competencies. So always feel missing. What I need to do is to satisfy myself, by working damn hard to be acknowledged, by writing with passion and feel released, by travel and obtain all the world beauty, and leave the legacy to others.

So, I'm gonna do my best in what I'm doing. Gonna give it all what I have and see how life returns me. Trying hard and improve day by day. Lets see how I meet a new me in another 365 days

Things to smile about....

1. Having best mom I've ever seen. Not only a good mom but also a genuine educator.
2. Good and caring brother who always make me laugh with his humor, and never sulk when I scold him in bad mood.
3. One grandfather and two grandmothers are still healthy. Like big old trees, they pour shade of wisdom, love and understanding to me whenever I'm with them.
4. Good apartment and a nice roommate to be with, cook delicious food and always tell stories to me.
5. A wonderful job and friendly working environment that I once dreamed of.
6. Good body, good senses. Not blind, nor deaf, nor any sickness or injury currently.
7. Doing tai chi quan early morning with the old people in the nearby yard, feeling fresh wind and listening to sparrows chat chit.
8. The stars are shining now. And the sun will rise again tomorrow.
9. Many people like me. And I like them too.
10. Somebody loves me. And I love them too.

Writing in the weekend night, after losing my earring of memories. Feeling so down.

The twentysomething nursery rhyme

Found this nice rhym from Paul Angone in a cloudy morning and felt like some sun ray shinning in my heart. Wanna share it so the rhyme may shine somewhere too.

There was a young twentysomething who lived in a shoe.

She had so much debt she didn’t know what to do.

She interned and hustled, without any luck.

Now she wakes up depressed, working part-time at Starbucks.

Behavior

Sometimes we cannot please all the people we've met in our lives. But sometimes we feel really shock to know how some people are not pleased with us. What did we do? Why do they hate us so badly? We wonder. Then we realized some of our small small careless behaviors previously made the bad impression. And from time to time, if we didn't do anything to correct the impression, things get worst. And they become our enemies without intention.

I'm basically not a widely favorite character. Some may hate me much, some may like me much. Despite what I've done or not done for them. I accept it as a part of my life. And don't try to hide myself from my real personality. It's just a part of me. So I have been rude to the people I didn't like, and have been careless to some, have been strict and irritable when things didn't go right. Suffering to be nice for what when we cannot please the whole world after all?

But by chance I discovered that how a small gesture or action can affect our lives afterward. Therefore, we must do correctly from the first step, in everything, yes, everything. Especially for the things involve human. We can fix machine or system later if it's wrong. But for human, its very difficult to change, make them think differently afterward. We may not do the job perfectly, not all the people know. But if you are not a friendly person, all the people know and get away from you.

Realized how far life has push me around. How much I have changed since the day I left the old house in the grass. Being more successful, being wealthier, but also greedier. Life changed, people come and go. I'm not and should not be that little girl that put her heart in her mouth. More calm and discreet. Respect and cherish every person come to my life. And get back to my root, and the basic principles of life, before the world throw me a bigger stone. Being kind, being hearty, being good, to myself and to the world. Back to the basis, Rosie.

Red

Listen to her, I mean, Taylor Swift, as I am now.
See how intelligent she is, hah. Every small normal feeling is turned into the soft and soothing tone. Adding to her used-to-be-super gentle music now are some electronic notes that make the songs very catchy. Good job girl.
Reading Where rainbow ends last weekend for just 8 hours. Also noticed how small small feelings were conveyed in the book so subtly to create the empathy. After finishing, all I could say was: "Damn, why not write like that". Saw that she was in a music band, a tv program producer, and obtaining a degree in journalism before starting her first book, PS. I love you at the age of 21.
Amelia Earhart, the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean. She was afraid of the thunder when she was small. But when she grew up she rode on the biggest winds and waves to catch her dreams. How brave she was. She established a flying school and inspired the girls who wanted to become a pilot. She wrote books about flying, she got a medal from the US president and got lost on her way conquering the new route. What a life.
I've been struggling with myself lately. Just wish that I have enough strength, courage and patience to start up a new chapter in my life.
Do your best Rosie. You won't have your 25th age another time.

Loneliness

Sometimes fed up with the feeling of being alone. Sometimes waking up in middle of the night, just want to have someone by my side. To cover this coldness, to fulfill this emptiness.

There are billions of people on the globe. Wondering thousand of times, why we met each other, why did we are so much into each other, why we have to be together, with the peak happiness and the deepest pains, you and me, both wonder. Destiny, a whispered answer. Destiny brought us together. Will destiny another time bring our lives together? Or we just pass each other's path and will never cross again?

Another night of loneliness. Don't know how the future will be. If you're with me also I wonder will we have a small cosy family. Or again it is quarrel and dispute. Never been so confused like this.

Sometimes feel so tired of life. Try and try hard at work. Doing all the tough things, handling all the tough people, overcome all the tough tasks. All make me exhausted and just wanna hide myself in a small peaceful corner, where someone will cook for me sometimes, where someone will massage for me sometimes. Whilst most of the other time I will do all my best to bring him comfort. Just sharing and understanding, love and friendship. Thats all I need for a partner I think. But when it comes to life, I bet I need more than that. Things'll never get enough. We always want what we can't get.

Dalai Lama once said: "Its pricey to get both success and happiness". I want both of that. What to do. Energy, sweats and tears will be poured, to get a harvested crop.

Take something for granted

I've hosted a girl in the last weekend in my house. I thought it would be a nice experience hosting her, because her profile showed that she is a gentle, nice and sensitive girl. But it turned out to be not so pleasant as I thought.

She is nice, gentle and sensitive anyway. But the problem was that I didn't find the close feeling with her. I don't know why. Is it bcz she is too young for having many stories to tell? No, I can easily talk and guide younger people around me, or listen to their thoughts and feelings. Is it bcz she cold and not friendly? No, she is friendly enough, and also sensitive like any other girl.

So what is the problem? Finally I figured out the thing. This girl has been traveled around the world. And anywhere on the world, she receives free housing, free food, welcoming, and companion. Because she has met so many good and friendly people on her way, she thinks it's obviously that they are friendly, and they should be so. She didn't recognize the effort people made to please her - their guest. And just on the way she only take and not give anything. That's what I don't like about her. English has a very good idiom abt this: Take something for granted.

I felt a little bit not pleased during her stay because she didn't make me feel the warm-hearted feeling, or a thankful attitude toward her hosts. Then I think about myself. Do I take something for granted? Do I take my parents' care on me for granted? Do I take my friends' friendship for granted? Do I take my current house, my daily food, or what I have received on this earth for granted. If I do, I should not from this moment. After thinking so, I immediately called my mom and expressed my love on her. I sent sms to my friends just to say hi. I said thanks to god and people that gave me good things in my life.

Don't never take sthg for granted, Rosie. Be thankful to all the good and bad things you experienced.