At my desk and at my table

1/ Once when I was making my report, an image about a sunny afternoon in Nara - Japan flashed on my mind, me wearing lovely blue dress, dancing around the small streets full of sakura trees, with temples around. Once when I was checking stock for sales, an old memory emerged, the day I and my friends went to Padang Padang beach, it was fabulous, light blue sky, amazing waves, wonderful cliffs, limber boys with tanned dark skin with their boards to the beach, hopping on and off, on and off. Once when I was arranging shipping documents, I remembered walking around Coron town at noon, climbing its mountain, and playing in the meadow there. There are times like that, when I was grinding my ass that the deadly desk, the images stroke me, memories of the times I traveled. That helped me to work harder, saving money for the next trip, and somehow survived through another day sitting at the desk. Sometimes I wonder, what if I'd never taken any trip, then what could I remember to wipe the boredom away. Like my mom, like many other people who never enjoy themselves on the road. Life would be a real burden, if you don't have good memories to think about.

2/ I have interviewed more people lately, and being more effective helping youngsters to find their jobs. And somehow my consulting skill gets better and better through time, and I remind from time to time the reasons why I decided to do this, to support people, guiding them, helping them through the struggle about what job to choose, about their careers and their jobs. And I realized that, opposed to my initial thought, I always like the people, I can always find the good things about them and start liking them, I feel close to them through the questions I ask, through their answers, their innocence, their purity, their inexperience. I feel good. Guess it's a job that I like. Maybe I can think seriously of a career consulting job, a coaching job. Maybe I can combine between a yoga and personal trainer with a life/career coaching job. Maybe. It's good to listen to people, feel them, speak their heart out, guide them through darkness, see their progress. I feel happy, on my own small table interviewing people at 11PM.

3/ It's 6.30 now, it's late. Usually at this time I must be on the street, buying food for dinner, after sweating time running. Actually I didn't think to write today, because I wrote more than usual yesterday, an English post, and a Vietnamese post for my friend's birthday. But now I feel like I have to write, and I don't want to lose the new habit I have created. "Writing everyday reaffirms my identity as a writer" I read that quote yesterday. So I am writing now, on my table, despite the fact that I really didn't know what to write about at the beginning. Words just flow, small thoughts reveal, I just need to note down. What makes me tired, what makes me happy. Follow the positive stuff, keep doing what I enjoy doing. Maybe just small simple steps like that, I can lead myself to the dream life I want.

The notes

I'm a curious person. When coming to people's houses, I'd like look at their working desks, seeing the stuff they have, the books they read, seeing how they arrange their works and lives, and somehow, knowing more about their personalities, their motivations. Guess what I like the most on strange desks? The notes.

Many people put notes or memos on their desks, on the bookshelves, or on nearby walls. A friend of mine hangs a big picture of Bruce Lee on the wall with his famous quote: "Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one". On his desk, there are notes about his stock market investment: "Three questions: When, Where, and How much profit?", or "Concentrating and Being serious in Study and Investment". He is a well organized man, although he lives alone, his house is fully equipped, neat and tidy. But he is lonely inside, his wifi password shows: emptiness. He is longing for someone to love.

My cousin, surprisingly, has many notes on his wall. "Waking up early to meditate and exercise", "Study, Read Book, No Games", "Wash the clothes right after Bath". He has been a troublesome guy, a black sheep of the family. He joined football betting and lost many motorbikes and money in it, he neglected his study and graduated late, he went to work for some companies and quit after a few months, claiming the companies to be problematic or the jobs to be tiring. I used to admire him when we were small, he was a talent boy then, very smart and gifted at painting. Everybody used to tell that he would grow up being a successful person. But he destroyed his youth in video games and betting. Now he has a decent job, in a big construction company. And he is trying to take control of his life.

And these are the memos I found on my guitar teacher's desk (I don't dig for notes, people just show them out): "Be thrifty with your time. Saving every minute. Time is precious" (I like that), "Fully concentrate, be mindful and conscious each moment in life", "Effective and Efficient". He is a special man, knowledgeable and erudite, going to reap the seeds he sew.

I got no notes on my desk. Actually, I only have a small table to put my laptop on, a yoga mat to sit on and sleep on and work out on, and piles of books and notebooks around. That's all for my working corner. You'll see nothing looking at that (smiling).

You know what I found seeing other people's notes. There is a thought, strikes inside my head. That if people live up to what they're meant to be, if they can manage to bring out the best of their talents, if they can stay true with their notes, then they will lead the life they desire, and have all they wish. The same for me. If I can do what I ask myself to do, then soon I will be the person that I've ever wanted, writing, traveling, inspiring. Again, the point is self - discipline. 

10 years

In the documentary movie named "Jiro dreams of sushi", Jiro the artisan told it took 10 years to make a good sushi. And in an interview with a girl learning traditional medicine, she shared with me that her teacher required her 10 years commitment to complete the study.

10 years, it takes a lot of time and effort to become expert in any field. As a well - known rule: 10,000 hours of concentrating practice to succeed to a large extent in your desired area. 10 years, isn't it long? I know I can't spend 10 years of my life to make sushi, or to study medicine (although I really love to be a traditional doctor). Asking myself again the question, what would I do if I have to spend 10 years of my life doing one repeatedly. I would say: writing. Writing, is always my final answer. 

But see again, what am I doing now? Not writing diligently. Thoughts come and go, if I don't capture them, they'll vanish like vapor. Looking back to my activities, the hurdle to my success is the inconsistency. I'm not always doing what I want to do, and when I set the goal to myself, I don't follow it strictly.

So now again to remind myself about things I have to do, here's the list:

1/ 30 minutes writing everyday. 30 minutes. Every day. Elizabeth Gilbert told set the clock and sit down and write for 30 mins. Chris Guillebeau suggested to write 1,000 words each day to become a professional writer. If I want to be a writer, just write. "Professional writer is like porn, we don't just work when the fit is on, we work everyday, when we are required to". So write with schedule, and practice with sweat, and pain. It's inevitable. 

2/ Read 20 pages a day if that's an English book, and 50 - 100 pages for a Vietnamese book. Books make good writers, there aren't no writers who do not read. So read as I'm doing now and speed it up. Just make it more scientifically, more systematically, more efficiently. 

3/ 10 - 20 new words a day. Learning English is the fundamental goal. Studying abroad? English. Integrating with the world? English. Becoming a global citizen? English. Besides, an average Vietnamese writer is paid very low, 10% of his book, while a writer in US/UK earns a lot more than that (30 - 50% as mentioned in "On writing" of Stephen King if I don't remember wrongly, anyway this info needs to be checked). So it is crucial to improve my English as a native - like speaker. 

4/ 30 minute exercise daily. No need to explain much. In a sound body resides a sound mind. Especially with exhausting job like writing, we need space to release the stress and re-charge energy. Innumerable writers take running as their habit. And who do not end up having unhealthy lives I believe. 

5/ 30 minute video everyday. Either it can be Ted talk video clip, or inspiring video, or MOOC courses. Pay more time to MOOC courses, there is a enormous reservoir of knowledge there in MOOC. Take full advantage of it. 

Well, that's it for now. 

There is a fact that I haven't been at the peak of my mood lately, craving to be on the road, longing for a free life, hating the office work. But my dear friend just told me to relax, and plan what I want to do, and reminding me that I'm on the right track and just keep walking. So I took his advice, just breathe, and keep doing what I'm doing, at the best of it. Doing my job perfectly, writing and reading everyday, planning accordingly. I found my talent and my passion, now comes the point where I need to seek for the sweet spot of conjunction between my talent and passion with the market's demand. And that's the hardest part. So be patient, and keep working. 

And whenever there is anything flashes on my mind, either euphoria or sorrow, just write it down. That's the best time to write down. Writing is a remedy. 

An excellent life

When I was in secondary time, I sat near a boy named Hai, a peach - skinned, handsome, humorous and mischievous boy. The reason why our teacher arranged us to sit together was because his study was weak, and my job was to help him to improve his academic result. He was hilarious, calling me "roasted jackfruit seed" (I was short and round like a jack fruit seed at that time), always teasing me and sending me funny poems. But his study was awful, lacking much of background knowledge and didn't fully concentrate in class. I didn't know why, as I helped him along his study, he came across to be a smart boy, quite talented in painting. Anyway, I looked down on him because of his academic performance and didn't pay much attention to him.

One day, I talked with a friend from another class, who had studied with Hai before. She told me: "When Hai was in primary school, he was the best student there, your head of the class now Kien was nothing compared to him. He even won several chess tournaments around the district". I was shocked, couldn't believe in my ears. What, Kien - the fearless powerful superstar in my class - was nothing to him before. Then I observed him sneakily, stunned at the truth. A question emerged in me, what made an excellent student be one of the worst then, how come he ended up that way, what had happened.

The same question followed me as I grew up. Sometimes I still wonder, how talented people turn out to lead trivial lives, contenting with poverty, ignorance and boredom. What happened? 

Then I read the book "The 8th habit" and found the answer. The author explained that human has 4 pillars of energy: body, mind, heart, and spirit, with 4 quotients PQ, IQ, EQ, SQ respectively. In order to lead a successful life, one needs to develop all four aspects: vision (intellect), discipline (physical), passion (emotional) and conscience (spiritual). Without any of these factors, one will fail to live his dream life. 

  So that's the point. People fail because they don't notice 1 or some of the 4 factors. I see many people having conscience and passion. But a clear vision to see a big picture and discipline are not always easy to execute. I've met a boy who was very nice and thoughtful, but he had many bad habits that prevented him from growing up to success, drinking and smoking too much, neglectful, and indisciplined. I can understand why, when facing the hardship of life, people like him tend to be discouraged, and fall into such things without much discipline and control. It's a sad thing.

In order to develop myself toward my dreams, I'm going to execute the 4 pillars of characters. With my passion for writing and beauty, I will restrain myself in the fixed schedule and work toward the vision I have chosen for myself, while keeping the conscience to guide my life.

The picnic to Eagle Island

Another thirty minutes. I'm going to write about my recent trip to Eagle Island with the people in my guitar class. Not just to jot down the event, it's meaningful to me in some ways because I discovered something interesting about myself from that trip.

To begin, I'm not the type of people who easily adapt to new environment. Instead, in a new place, I often stay back, observing people and atmosphere, if I feel like it, I will participate actively, if not, I just retreat, and find the way to escape from it. There are many times I feel lost in the crowd, not that I can't fake to be open and friendly, it's just I don't want to. That's the reason why I hardly get out of my comfort zone to join new activities.

When I heard about the picnic held by my guitar teacher (he is actually only 1 year older than me), I was excited. But a part of me was reluctant, what if the people there were so wild, what if they were so noisy, what if they were so annoying and ignorant, what if I couldn't fit in and made this event another forgettable memory. But another part of me whispered: just do it, then I registered anyway. And when I went to the warm up meeting before the picnic, my doubts dispersed. From their halos I could tell (don't ask me how, I just know it) that most of the people are not normal, they are smart, they are thoughtful, they are well - educated, well, it seemed good.

And then came the day the picnic took place. We rode our bikes for 40 kms out of Saigon, then took the boat to the island. It was actually an islet in the middle of a lake, very small, one can finish his round around the islet for 30 mins. They had basic accommodations there, a football field, a small restaurant and a lot of trees. We arrived, took rest, and had lunch with local fish and shrimp caught from the lake. It was delicious, partly because we all were hungry after the ride. Then it rained cats and dogs and the wind blew bows and spoons. We took a nap while waiting for the rain to stop, then went to the football field for some group games.

Needless to say how dirty the games went, full of powders and water, let alone the wet ground after the rain. Initially I didn't want to play but after a while I found myself actively involved. I was surprised to see many youngsters in the group experienced in activity organizing and team leading. My team won several games, especially the game with one person walks on two hands in the plank position with his legs held by another team member, went 10 meters to dig in a bow full of powder to find marbles. While other girls couldn't do that, I did the most of my team turns and felt super proud of myself, the personal training with my yoga teacher proved its effect. After finishing the games, we all were covered by powder and sweat, and friendship and fun. I actually felt close to some people in the group already, a tomboy girl in my team, the guitar teacher (he appeared to be cold and strict in the class, just like me), his best friend...

With the dirty clothes, we went to set up the tents and prepared the barbecue dinner. OMG I loved tents, and I love camping. So I jumped right into the place, eagerly pulled out the sticks, the canvas, and set it up. With the bbq, again I did zestfully, because I like cooking, and I also hate standing alone seeing people busy. Setting fire to the coal, putting food on the trays, grilling things. Then I went to have bath after other people finished and we all were ready for dinner. I put some more corn and sweet potato into the coal stove and served as dessert, and we enjoyed the cool dinner with grilled chicken, pork and vegetables.

Dinner finished with the official introduction from the group members, what they were doing, how did they get to know the guitar teachers (some of them were not guitar students but musicians and his friends). I didn't did my part quite well (I'm always embarrassed to talk about myself), but the guitar teacher told people afterward about my writing on Facebook and recommended them to check out some of my articles about education. Other people introduced themselves very impressively. I got to know that there were a lot of people were self - educated, special and talented. A boy in the group, he dropped out of school, went working for several companies, he could play piano, violin, harmonica, guitar of course, and is now a music teacher. My guitar teacher also gave up his university study and worked as a marketing/PR expert, then he was tired of corporate environment so he went teaching guitar instead, and now having a book publishing. (See what's going on with Vietnam's education).

All out of the sudden, someone pulled out the guitar, and harmonica, and some more guitars joined in, then we made a band. They played all the old music that I loved and some funny parody songs. We sang out loud at night, then play some more games for fun (The Yes/No game was the most hilarious, one has to answer yes or no for questions like "Before you engaged, did your fiancee know that you were gay" or "Besides chicken shit, do you eat cow shit"). There were a lot of jokes and laughter, and my stomach got hurt because of laughing so much.

Then the guitar teacher threw up a special game called car - wash. We stood in pairs, talked about impression and feeling with one another, then changed to the next one. I was surprised again, many people saw exactly who I am and liked me (not all, but I was happy to know it because I am always considered to be isolated). The harmonica boy told that his first impression about me was something passionate and confident, despite my small appearance, he didn't know where did my strength came from until my introduction. A girl told me that she admired me and wanted to learn many things from me. The tomboy girl told she was very happy getting to know me and being in my team. The teacher's best friend told me that he felt like knowing me for a long time already and that night was just like a dream he dreamed before because everything was so familiar. I was glad to know because I also felt the same about him. It's not gender attraction, but something harmonizing between souls that is very rare to happen, the people give me that feeling can be counted on the fingers of my one hand. And the guitar teacher. He told he was impressed by my determination, when I promised something I always finished it, when I attended class I was always on time, and when I decided something I always did my best to accomplish it, which is something he couldn't do (well I was not always determined and on time as I appeared to be, but I appreciated his ideas and would try to keep it). And he told he understood my struggle because he experienced the sorrow and pain, then he suggested me to develop myself through coaching and guiding people. From guiding people, I could find my path. And he was glad to have me joining the picnic because he knew I would love it. And we hugged, and I felt relieved from the struggle I had fought.

We stayed up until 2 in the morning, and went to sleep. I decided to sleep in the tent while other girls slept in the rooms, then 3 more girls joined me saying they wanted to sleep in the tent to but were afraid to sleep alone (haiz, thought I could have the whole tent for myself). Anyway, we had a good sleep after all.

5 AM, I was woken up by some voice talking outside. Other people already left the tent, I thought to sleep some more but then went out to see the sunrise. It was so nice in the island early in the morning, some birds singing peacefully, fresh wind blowing the trees, the horizon was inweaved with red, orange and blue color, the river was quiet, a small boat sleeping near the shore. I found a wooden swing to sit on and admired the scene and meditated in peace. Some people passed me by, and I was happy that they let me be alone. I knew that they were also in serenity themselves.

Well, it's over 30mins now again (I did check Facebook in between the write, too bad, will concentrate fully next time). To finish it, that morning, we went to the nearby island after breakfast and visited the fruit farm. The durian was so so so delicious that I bought a big one (I don't usually buy gift back home after a trip), then we rode back to the city, received the gift from the organizers (a picture of each person in the picnic), then said goodbye and went back home.

I went to have my bike fixed, back home at 5 in the afternoon. Then slept like a log. 

Thirty minutes

1. I read diligently, but haven't written much lately. I don't know what to write down now actually, although my mind is full of thought. Writing in English and in Vietnamese are totally different, it's like different kinds of thinking, not simply translating your thoughts from one language into another. Plus when writing in English I'm afraid of making mistake and repeating words, it stops me right there. But I try to write. I want to sharpen my English writing skill. In deed I have been in a struggle for the past two weeks about writing, thinking the road to my dream life of being a full time writer is still so far away, while I'm so tired of my current job, of the people around me, of everything in my life. But then I read a quote from my favorite writer: "It's not the world's fault that you want to become a writer. The world owns you nothing. So stop complaining and get back to work". So true. I also realized that if I want to be a writer, I have to write everyday. That writer also said: "set your clock for 30 minutes a day and sit down and write everyday, everyday". That simple truth is easy to see, I knew somewhere in my mind, yet still not really doing now. I just write when the fit is on. But it's not a good strategy. So here I am, sit down and write for 30 minutes. God, please help me to keep this habit for 21 days.

2. More about the struggle that I have been through recently, it's not only about writing (when you're in crisis, all the things just throw up on you), but also about meaning of life. Again the same old questions, emerging while I'm in the mess of life, who I am, what I'm here for, where to go in life, what is the meaning of my life. Deep in my heart, I know the answer. But I'm just confused and being torn away from two lifestyles, living the way I like and living the way I'm expected to. My ideal life is to be a writer and traveler (yoga teacher is somewhere in between), living simply in material but abundant in spirit. But I'm yet to be sure how to make it real. I want to quit my job and travel for a year as per my lifelong wish, then come back and write about my journey, and start my writing career. But my family and the society's idea is to be top notch in my current profession and live comfortably with the money I earn, and forget about dreams and aspiration. But you know, even the high class people are not happy with their lives until they find their true selves. My boss, a business man with hundred thousands dollars yearly earning, being general director at such a young age, owns two more companies, he seems to have everything that people desire. But he is physically weak, and always stressful. In a dinner together, he told me: "I don't know what should I do next, resigning this job, but then what." It strikes me that he is still struggling with his life. He does his current job just as he is good at it, and it satisfies his ego. But it's also not his dream job, ,he still hasn't found out the meaning in life. 

Some people find life to be temporary, and seek consolation in religions. Some others work diligently to save money, getting married, have children, have some small savings, and satisfied with that, my boss just simply has more than a small savings. But I wonder whether that is all what life about. Is that it? Certainly no. I find the meaning of my life through writing, telling stories, inspiring. Right now I just don't know how to live fully with it. Like Paulo Coelho, like Elizabeth Gilbert, like Stephen King, like J.K Rowling. Maybe with this 30 mins a day like this, I can move slowly forward.

3. It's more than 30 mins now already. But I still want to jot down another thing. The problem I have with communication, just one of the things I'm struggling with. I'm an introvert person, and I prefer time being alone, reading, writing, swimming, doing yoga, jogging. I don't like to talk to people, especially people at work, I find them bland. I often fall into isolation, hiding from the world. I find no meaning communicating with the people I don't like and pretend to like them or communicate to have a broader network for work or something like that. But you know what? I love communication, I mean deep meaningful conversation that brings understanding and joy and amity. So let me think about it that way. Communication is not to take advantage of the people I talk to for later use, but to connect, to share and be shared, to understand and be understood. So take it that way, let me be more open and talk to people, and improve my communication skill. 

Concentration, isn't it we all need?

I'm having a lot of things to do and plans to work on, guitar to practice, MOOC lessons going on, setting up a library for my mom's students, consulting graduates for job searching, a master degree, a RTW trip....

Yet what I find difficult to accomplish these goals is the concentration on my plans, to do what I'm doing with all of my attention and energy. My schedule is not perfect, I'm still not doing the best I can and squeeze myself enough for more work done. I'm slow and distracted.

It's been my problem for quite a while. I was very effective when I was small, grasping every moment I had to do something useful, always finish things first, always be the top, always be effective. But now I'm not, not that anymore. Things changed from high school and university time, as I didn't practise that habit then. Thinking how to get it back, be very strict with myself, be effective, creative and concentrated.

All in all, concentration decides a man's success. With the same time, who do more will lead. Some creative professionals resort to different kinds of stimulants to keep their concentration and energy at work. Balzac drank more than fifty cups of coffee daily during his writing time. Sigmund Freud smoked up to 20 cigars a day. Sure these are not what I want to involve. But I want to keep my concentration up.

One thing in common I found when reading creative routines of notables is that many of them spending a great deal of time for reading, writing, and jogging. It seems to suit me. I do believe that they all have their own special method to keep their mind focused during long hours of intense working and to relax and recharge their energy. Hence I also have to find my own way.

Will try these things out:
- Japa mediation right after waking up at 4AM.
- Jogging 30 minutes every morning, 6 days a week.
- Deep breathing throughout the day.
- Guitaring every night before sleeping.

Well, lets see how it goes.