Change needed.

Okay after several issues I decide it's time for change.

The first thing is about personal branding. I've been slacking on this.

I've been proud of myself as a honest and modest person, not fame addicted, nor having high ego, nor being narcissistic. I don't try to promote my brand name, or promote my products or services, or show off to other people. I just try to do things as well as I can, under the line and not boasting or talking about things I do. But gradually this led to some negative effects. The fact is that I don't receive the opportunities I deserve, my work doesn't reach potential customers, and to this point people are looking down on me, as my mom and my roommates have warned me.

I've been doing yoga and practicing meditation and humility, one of the key points of yoga. I don't know if it affects my performance or not, but I definitely lost my competitiveness gradually. I have little to no desire to compete with other people. But I have to change. It's a competitive world. And if I don't talk, don't actively perform, and don't tell people about what I do, they won't know. The time of "good wine needs no bush" is dead. There are so many good brands of wine out there. Yeah, your wine may be good, but if you don't do anything to invite other people to try your wine, how can people know? Definitely need to change.

So how to change?
- Write more, 2 - 3 posts/week.
- Be more relaxed. Everything is just a game. Why so serious. Be more entertaining.
- Be free to talk to people about what I do, not afraid to promote my work.
- Write what I like.

Second, relationships.

I have so many contacts, relationships, networks in my circle. But I've been very reactive in my social relationships. Whoever come to me and talk to me, I'll talk to them and be their friends. Whoever don't contact me, I let them go. So I lost several connections with the people I like and want to befriend. Sometimes I feel I don't have many close friends. Sometimes I feel so lonely. Sometimes I want to call out my friends to play Catan but I don't know who to call. Too bad. So sad.

After some time pondering over the problem, I reckon 2 reasons:
- I'm independent and I think I can live without any help. And I don't need boys or relationships or people to live my life well. So sometimes I just let precious people in my life slipped without my consciousness.
- I've been raised in a family, where both father and mother are not very sociable. In fact my parents somehow believe that who actively connect their social relationships are for the sheer purpose of taking advantages of their relationships later on. So I may have the same subconscious belief, that building relationships is bad and not necessary.

So what I need to do is to actively connect with the people I like:
- Change my understanding about relationships. Social network is not bad. You make friends, support people and have their supports. Learn, grow, and have fun together. I have a lot to offer, and other people are too. It's not about taking advantage, but it's about mutual benefits.
- Meet a new friend and an old friend every week.
- Join the clubs I like to participate every week (swimming, yoga, boot camp, frisbee).

Onward Rosie. You have a lot to improve.

Yoga Event

I felt pretty satisfied. Yesterday I was on stage to introduce people to yoga and instruct them to the poses in the International Yoga Day Charity Event held by Yoga Lifestyle. Who knew I could go that far, after 3 years of doing yoga. I skipped the trekking trip with my friends after I received the invitation to co-host the yoga event. Of course I wanted to join the trip, but I decided to help because I had responsibility with the yoga club, they lacked human resource. And another reason is that it's a chance for me to go out of my comfort zone and practice my skills again.

Although my concerns about the root of yoga didn't fade away, I felt quite good about the event. We didn't have much time to rehearsal, we actually didn't rehearsal. But I managed to co-host, translate and instruct well in the event. The part I like the most was the time when we all four instructors standing inside the backstage and whispered our prayers to god, to wish for a successful event. And it was successful indeed. People danced and had fun, and many people praised about the vegi food and the decoration and the music. And I conquered my stage fright again. I was the first instructor to conduct the poses, with a lot of talking, but did with calmness and a relaxed manner. I was not nervous and didn't make mistake. I talked clearly and softly, my voice was soothing. And when I chanted along my teacher, I was even surprised at my voice, it was good, and much better than I expected. Some of my readers joining the event later told me that I was much more cute and beautiful than they expected. And Sean my teacher gave me compliments on my performance.

There was a speech from Toa Tau's representative, and I didn't prepare to translate that, actually no one gave me the speech beforehand. The girl just went upstage and talked spontaneously, and her speech was quite impressive. But I didn't translate all what she said. Anyway, other people confirmed that I did a good job on that too.

We had a lot of fun in the event. Although other instructors were very nervous, they also performed well. In a pose, Ha Linh told the audience: "Sorry, my legs are shaking, I can't lift it up". And Anna went to a wrong pose. But those are not big mistakes, and we all had a good laugh afterward. I love these people. They may have different belief, different personalities from me, but they have good hearts. And I love to be around them.

I reckon there is nothing better to learn than the habit of constantly stepping out of my comfort zone. Do the things I'm afraid of. Do things I've never done before. Do things that I'm reluctant to do. Learn new things everyday. Meet new people and talk to old friends every week. Be more active in my relationships. That's the best way to learn, to grow and to mature.

Feeling much confident and good about myself now. Keep moving forward. 

Today

There are so many people in this city, yet we feel lonely sometimes.
There are so many things to say, yet I feel speechless somehow.
There are so many ideas in my mind, yet I don't know what to write.

Lately I've been pushing myself out of my comfort zone a lot. I realized many of my problems when I do that. Communication, relationships, my inner self.

I'm not feeling very good right now. I've just gone outside and met new people. I felt so strange. For a new girl I met this morning, I felt quite comfortable. Talking to her and felt the connection. Really love that. But for the people this evening, I felt nervous talking to them. They are just normal people, nothing really special. But I felt anxious just by looking at them. I lost all of my confidence. I felt my legs shaking.

Deep inside of every human is loneliness, lost, pain, fear. It's certainly not easy to confront those emotions. I don't know if this experience does anything good to me. Today I just feel a bit sad, a bit lost, a bit lonely. And I want somebody to hug. 

What?

Found something cool today.

"There’s a difference between doing your diligence to promote work you believe in and endlessly pursuing more opportunities to be famous".

Walt Disney once said, “We don’t make movies to make money. We make money to make more movies.”

"These are the times when you must stop, remember what success really means to you, and focus on the work at hand".

For what? For motivating myself. I have to do it everyday. 

You know, so many people say they want to have a freelancing job. But after having a freelancing job myself, I found its drawbacks. Ahhh I don't even want to talk about that now. I'm too tired to talk about that. Even though I didn't do much work as I wanted today. I lost motivation somewhere along the road.

The hard part is everyday you need to cheer yourself up, you need to be your own boss, you need to be diligent and you need to work harder and harder. Everyday. It's not as easy as it sounds. Trust me.

I am waiting to launch my book. I haven't signed the contract yet. I am waiting. But it takes so long. I don't know if I can survive this all. I'm dying waiting for the book to come out. I know I can do some other things useful while waiting. But I got so nervous and anxious I couldn't do things as effectively as I wished. I'm writing an ebook to give away to my special readers. I nearly finish it. But I'm stuck and for no reason I cannot finish it. 

This is also a trap. If something suddenly happens, a disaster or a big shock or a shame or something, you can easily jump out. I know now. This is also a trap along the way. It's like the old story of the frog. The frog in the pot of water. The frog feels so good when the water gets warmer. Until it dies. 

Noooo, I have to get out of here. Omg, finish things. I'm 90% of the ebook then why I can't finish it. It's ridiculous. 

Go get back to work. 

It's time to move on

So it's said that everything on the road belongs to the road. When you're back home, leave everything behind and move on with your life.

It's been a week since the trip to that island. And I had such a good time there, lovely and sweet memories. But it's time to be back to my daily routine, reading, writing, meeting people, exercising, teaching yoga, practicing guitar, being effective and efficient and positive as I used to be.

Let bygones be bygones.

So back to work.

A few updates regarding my second book.

I sent the manuscript to the publisher and now I'm waiting for the feedback. I'm soooooo hopeful to get it published with my fav one, but yeah I do have backup plans. So everything is gonna be alright.

I once hoped that this book would be a best seller. But now I don't. I only hope that this book reaches as many potential readers as possible and help them on their ways of life. I want to serve as many people as possible with my writing. I don't want to be a best seller author. In order to do that somehow you have to spend so much time on self branding, on promoting, on PR, on relationships, and many other mundane things. All of these may make you feel terrible and exhausted because you may not be yourself and you may lose your charm. You can instead focus on your writing and make it the best you can, of course you can do other things to get the book to its potential readers, but to an extent.

I've just recently read the reviews of a famous book. It's very famous, the author is very popular. She is strong and assertive and all. The publisher did a good job on promoting her book and her fame. Yet I was shocked to read the reviews. So many bad reviews. Many readers consider the book to be bullshit and cheap and time wasting. I knew that book before. But I thought that many people would like it because what she wrote was so trendy and flashy. But no, people are not stupid.

That reminds me again that the cover doesn't make a good book. The PR doesn't make a book best seller. What counts finally still is what's inside. If you write it well, if what you write contains values, the book will shine itself.

I still have so many things to do with my book. A lot to revise. Many details to polish. But I feel proud of my writing. Thanks God for giving me this talent. Thanks my friends for supporting me. Thanks my readers for loving me.

So yeah, I will just be authentic.

Much of love, as usual.

My bucket list

Original blog post on 26th Nov 2013.

1. Fly in a hot balloon.
2. Wingsuit flying.
3. Hang gliding.
3. Get the scuba diving certificate. Oct 2015
4. Become a blackbelt.
5. Diving the Great Barrier Reef. Nov 2015
6. Swim with a dolphin.
7. Go sailing.
8. Have my book published.  Apr 2015
9. Have my second book published. Oct 2016
10. Publish a best seller book. Apr 2017
11. Learn to dance.
12. Playing a guitar. Jun 2015.
13. Play piano.
14. Spend a night in Colmar.
15. Play drum in a live show. Learning soon.
16. Play soccer in a match, again.
17. Giving an inspiring speech. Aug 2015.
18. Have wedding on the beach.
19. Ride a horse in a farm.
20. Hike the Alps.
21. Road trip in the US.
22. Being a yoga teacher. Sept 2015
23. Visit all 7 continents.
24. Have a master degree in writing.
25. Give an inspiring speech for over 1000 people.
26. Design my own course and earning good money teaching it.
27. Go deep sea fishing.
28. See a whale.
29. Swim with sharks.
30. Be someone's successful mentor.
31. Publish a novel.
32. Read The wind in the willows to my children in English.
33. Visit Santorini.
34. Eat pizza in L'Antica Pizzeria da Michele in Naples.
35. Find the love of my life. March 2017
36. Milk a cow.
37. Visit Bilbo's house.
38. Have a pen house.
40. Live in the US.
41. Visit my friend Coline.
42. Have a Labrado dog.
43. Learn to ski.
44. Learn to windsurf.
45. Learn to surf.
46. See the north light.
47. Camp in the Atacama Desert and see the Milky Way at night.
48. Visit Bora Bora island.
49. Go to Givota, Greece.
50. Spend a night in Zakynthos, Greece.
51. Live in Hoi An for several weeks.
52. Be a guest speaker in Frankfurt book fair.
53. Have a book published in English.
54. Conduct a writing course.

Second month at boot camp

Things changed a lot since the first day I joined the boot camp.

First after I posted the note on Facebook about free places to exercise, including the boot camp. Then Sheldon created the fan page. And phewwww. The class got real crowded.

I didn't know why. Maybe a lot of my friends and readers joined. Even Giang (my friend at Di va Song fanpage and a really experienced traveler - who usually guide the tour to Nepal and north India) also joined the class and asked his fellows to join.

So it got really crowded. Previously only 3 - 4 people each time. Now 16 - 18 people. I know most of them. And I feel good. Feel proud that I partly contribute to the growth of the class and the physical development of people.

Maybe people don't feel so. But it's ok. The fortune teller told that sometimes in life I wouldn't get the result or appropriate appreciation for what I do. It's ok then. If that's my karma then I will have to accept it anyway. But I'm proud here that I helped to build the boot camp class. Built a community, caring health. That's good to talk to people and see how they're progressing and all.

And Giang. Previously I didn't have much impression with him, even if we worked together in an event of Di va Song. But now having more chance to talk with him, I feel he is a cool guy. Really really strong. I'm impressed with his physical condition.

Shel teaches the class really passionately these days. He really likes the new guys coming. Ti, Tao's cousin; Giang; Hoa, the girl coming back from the Malaysia trip on a yacht. He seems really like Hoa. I feel a bit surprised there.

Anyway many people came were my friends or friends of my friends. I talk to them, getting to know them better and feel good. More people, more competition, more fun. I really like the boot camp now.

There are several really good people out there. Especially the girls. If you see their bodies you will faint away. So hot, six packs and very strong.

I wan to note about the teacher. He organises the class really well and comes up with the idea how to teach really quick. The sessions from monday to thursday are flexible with many rounds and things so we don't get fed up. I got to talk with him more and he seemed to be nice. And he seemed to be deeper than the appearance. I don't know. Just need to figure out. He once told: "Don't drink". I laughed, he appeared to drink a lot. He told: "No I don't drink as much as people think I do. I just mixed up with fruit juice. At the end I didn't got drunk but people thought I did. No, I was just happy". He was really cool when he said that.

Anyway I appreciate what he is doing. Teaching the class for free from monday to thursday, while in California fitness you need to pay 25$/1hour for the PT. That is more than enough. He is nicer than enough.

Only 1, 2 months since the first time I joined then I already feel the difference. First my back got real real hurt. My sacrum got scratched, and scar came after that. Then around 2, 3 days not doing boot camp, it started to heal. But then when I did again the the scratch came again. Real hurt, especially when bathing.

Today also hurt, but way much better. Not that much painful. And I feel that the more we do, the better we get.

Then I feel my body much lighter now. Flat belly, strong feeling when I walk. Very little fat.

And when I went to camping in Ba Den mountain, I just kept walking and I felt not much tired. In the previous trips to Ba Den I was so exhausted after coming back. But I do boot camp frequently now and I feel the benefit of it.

Every time I do sprint then I just lie down on the ground, feeling intolerable in my glutes and the hamstring. But I know it helps.

Every time I run I feel terrible but I know it helps.

Every time I repeat and repeat and repeat the workout I think of EBC, of Kinabalu, of Kilimanjaro, and I keep doing.

OMG I'm so sleepy I don't know what I'm writing.