Time for reflecting

I've been chatting with a new Facebook friend lately. As you know I don't normally talk to strangers. But he seemed to be kind and polite, so I kept chatting. And the more I talked with him, the more surprised I was. He was super good at reasoning and debating. He paid good attention to every word and reason, and he seemed to have a broad social knowledge.

The guy was working in Australia. Which made me feel interesting, as I was curious about what Vietnamese expat life was like and how they felt about Vietnam and Vietnamese people back in this country, and about all what was happening here. And he was free to talk. He shared with me some articles on professors and researchers on the same topic that I recently mentioned, with the same as my view. And he went meticulously on how he disagreed on these articles, what wrong methods of reasoning the authors used, and what fallacy they were.

That guy didn't mention a word about my writing. But he made me startle. He told me some people had good knowledge and went deep to search on what they were interested in. But when they found out the truth, they didn't want to admit that they were wrong but instead using some fractions of the truth to prove that they were still correct, just because of their egos. He concluded that it was extremely dangerous for young people, who didn't know about the truth and kept following these guys.

I told him I was thinking if I made that mistake anytime, then he replied: "maybe yes, but your readers are mostly young people who always say wow and share what you write instead of thinking and judging". That's when I thought: "Shit, should I keep writing when there are people like him reading what I post". I knew I had a lot of mistakes in writing, and I was not strong in debating and reasoning. That was not what we were taught here in Vietnam. As I kept researching and studying myself, there were a lot of things I needed to learn along the way. But if someone kept criticizing every word I wrote, I was not sure I wanted to hear it, or to keep writing.

But now I'm clear. I know I'm not what he talked about. I like to dig deeper to the subjects I'm into, and I have my own stance. When I find what's different from what I believe, and if I think that new thing is right, I won't hesitate to admit the truth. What may happen is I find something different, and I don't think it's correct because I'm a headstrong person, so I won't accept it. But other people may think that that thing is right and they judge me wrong. But what the hell, how can you be sure about what is the truth and what is not. And I'm not the type of person who cheats myself and my reader, who is too stubborn to correct my mistake and just keep doing what is wrong because of my ego.

So that's it. I know I'm weak at some points, and there are many things to improve, especially about arguments and fallacy. And there are many people better than me at these areas, and other areas, who will point out my weakness. That's what happens to the road of moving upward of any individual. But it's not the reason to give up. As long as I believe my writing still helps, even if just to a small number of readers, I will keep on doing that. I will do my best to make sure what I write is correct, and verify my information. But after releasing, I leave it up to my readers to judge.

Upward.  

Langkawi and my sense of photography

Hey diary

How are you?

I've been doing good, and I'm finishing the book to meet the publishing deadline. Many things to go, but I keep going.

I've been to Langkawi lately. It's a lovely and relaxing place, my friend and I rented a car to roam around the island. Car renting cost is the same as motorbike renting, and petro cost is dirty cheap. The trip was nice. But when you've been traveling around and you've seen more beautiful places, there are fewer things that make you wow. Langkawi is nice, but if having another chance I would choose Philippines or Bali instead. These places are awesome. It's hard to beat Philippines islands, No. 1 in Asia in my opinion. And Bali, oh nothing's like Bali. 

What is interesting in the Langkawi trip and I want to make a note here is my photography sense suddenly gets better. Now I can know better which is a good photo and which is not. 

Look at this photo

Not bad right. But what I did wrong is I put the skyline at the middle of the picture, it's like to cut the picture in two halves. One of the basic rules in photography, especially in travel photo, is the rule of 1/3 or 2/3, which means don't put the object of the photo right in the middle of the picture, but on 1/3 or 2/3 of it. The Polar Route blogger has a better explanation here. 

And this:

I thought it was a nice picture as I knelt down to choose a good angle (which was also mentioned in Polar Route post) and shot it right. But I forgot to keep the line straight. We always need to find a line to base on, in my above photo, the line is the road. 

And this

It's a nice scene, and a nice picture too, although my hair looks crazy. But my friend would have made it better if he'd moved the object (which is me) closer to the shore so my head wouldn't cut the skyline, and moving the camera a bit to the shore so I were at the 1/3 of the pic. If he sat down to make the sea 2/3 of the picture and the sky 1/3, that would be perfect. Sorry bro, you're not as pro as you thought.

I feel a bit sad that I haven't known about such thing until now. And I missed many great chances for great photos on my way, as I travel quite a lot. Other traveler buddies around me always show the beautiful pictures that make me so jealous. 

But never mind, more travel to go. And I'm in the game. Watch out babe. 

On the go

I finished the first draft of my book, and now in the re-write stage. For other writers, it takes as long as their writing time to rewrite and revise the book. Let's see how it goes for me.

My project of 1,000 words a day failed some days, and I'm gonna get back on. I didn't concentrate on writing sometimes, feeling lazy and forget about it. But my lifetime dream is to be a writer, and I have a book to finish and more books waiting. What kind of writer am I if I don't write daily?

So I will write, diligently, thoughtfully, happily, for the ones who have stepped this path before me, and for the ones who will continue to hold this torch. For the ones I love and for the ones love me. So I write:

- For Stephen King, who wrote his first novel in the dim light of the suffocating laundry room, who wrote through his struggling years of poverty and starvation, through his period of serious accident, and continue to be the best selling author today.

- For J. K. Rowling, who wrote during her child's nap at a cafe, who wrote through her mother's death, through a painful divorce, through the time of being a failure and "as poor as possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless". Who despite all the difficulties in life, threw her heart into writing, and gave love, hope to reader by the pages of her books.

- For Khaled Hosseini, who wrote when being a full time doctor, and brought in a stunning book, which made many readers to weep, to sigh and to smile in happiness upon reading it. He chose a safe way, and landed successfully to the land of well - known writers, with his hard work.

- For Elizabeth Gilbert, my favorite writer, who traveled all around the world, working as waitress, working in a farm, and whatever job possible to meet people, to talk to them, and to have material to write. And released many books from throughout research and careful and hilarious writing.

- For Hayao Miyazaki, who worked until 1:00AM every night and back to work at 7:00AM in the morning, to created a different world, pure and beautiful, and inspired many people with his work.

- For my mom, who always dreamed to be a writer, but couldn't because of hardship in life. Despite that, she grew me as best as she can and made me who I am today.

- For a little cute baby with the same name of me, daughter of my close friend. My friend got married so soon and now lives mostly for her child. I feel the responsibility to work harder and to make her proud of me and follow her dreams (if any).

- For my best friend, who gave me useful feedback on my book, who is one of the purest souls on earth, who will be my target reader, make the book like talking to her, make it jolly and make her laugh.

- For myself, as I love writing, love sharing stories and experience and hear the stories back. Carrying this love with me, pouring it down to every page, is what I'm gonna do to make the book the best I can.

A day to remember

I went to the toilet while trying to hide the tears falling down like streams from my cheek. Then I cried, cried like hell, unstoppable. The pain inside my chest pressed me so hard I couldn't breathe. I tried to calm myself down, thought this was just a small thing, that I could overcome it and continue as usual.

As I came back to my desk, my boss kept speaking to me with an angry voice and absurd requests. And I told to her: "I can no longer stand this. I quit."

That was not anything big. Just another problem at work, another strong word from my boss. But I felt it was the peak of everything. I've been waking up 3 - 4 in the morning to work on my book for 3 months now. All I've ever wanted was to quit the job to write, to travel. But I kept myself in a safe net, like my mom said, like my friends said. But it drained my energy. 

It was not because of the job itself, or my boss, even though both were intolerable sometimes. It's just because I lost my interest in this job. I found my passion. And I wanted to live with it. Fully. I tried to keep both, day job and night work, and waited until I released my book to set the next move. But the fact was, I couldn't bear it any more. I couldn't concentrate on my day job, and didn't devote enough time and effort for the book.

In the corporate environment, I'm like a fish out of water. I try to fit in but I can't. People are like dummies, wandering around, no love, no passion, living day by day without any dream, no aspiration, just merely protecting their own bags and distorted by hatred. I don't want to live like that, and I don't want power, or money, or my own gang. I don't want to lead anybody, and I don't want anybody to lead me. I want an independent job, in a quiet room, just me with myself. But I just waited for the time to come, to build enough foundation for my second job, before quitting the first one. But everyday there was a torture, it was killing me with the people, the atmosphere, the pressure of this typical job.

I went home after work, feeling relieved. And scared at the same time. What if my book would never come out as I plan. What if I could never go back to the office job, and being broke, inside and outside, living like a beggar and starving to death. I was afraid to lose the comfort in this current life, with fancy office and desk, with parties and people, with benefit. I was afraid to fall to the unknown. Then I checked some advice on "Things writers should ask before quitting day job", and I found that I was more than ready. I had more savings that suggested, my mom and brother and friends supported me, I had social connection with the students whom I counseled for their job seeking, I had backup plan. And other writers told amazing stories about how they quit their jobs and started to write. I knew that the stories were from the ones who succeeded. And those who fell never tell. But I knew I was more than ready. A strong voice inside of my told myself to be confident, to believe in myself, I had prepared enough, it was the time to take a big leap, to fall if I had to, and to back up, to a new chapter of my life. 

I still don't know what wait ahead. But I keep writing. As long as I write, I'm ok. I know that it's not going to be easy. But with so much passion and love, I will keep going forward. And I feel that from the distance, God is looking at me, and smile.

What I did on my 27th birthday

... was sending a chapter of my book to the publisher, and was distressed to know the feedback. She replied yesterday with some thoughtful advice, which gave me a total different view to my book. I need to change my approach to the subject to give the best benefit to reader, which means I have to revise most of what I have written. It's ok, I will do it for reader's sake.

I spent my birthday indoor, writing emails to customers and publishers. Then I went out, having dinner with my best friend. The older I am, the quieter my birthdays are. It's nice though, I don't expect a big celebration. At first I was a bit upset because the first person to send birthday wish to me was my boss. And not many people seemed to remember my birthday. But I heard from all my beloved ones, that's just all I need.

It's been 2/3 of the book now. What I need to do next is to finish the first chapter of instructions and introductions to social media sites, and complete some small parts. And I need to work on the book every day to finish it. Every day.

New publishers contacted me for the publish plans of other books. After finishing this book, I will need to jump into another subject, and another, and another. That's how things go. Now I have to really focus on this book.

My job is ok. Gradually I realize that it's a fine job, good colleagues. Actually that job is a good one and people would take it immediately if they have chance. But I've been having bad attitude toward my job, just because I'm so into writing, and I don't want to do that job for the rest of my life. Here, again, I have to remind myself to pay full attention to my job during working hour, make it excellent. And when time comes, I can leave. If my work on writing is not good enough, I will have to accept that job to be permanent. If I'm still there, it means I'm not ready for the next move yet, so just do the best I can.

During all this chaos of job and work and projects, what I really want is to get my book done. Whenever I feel exhausted, or stuck, I just imagine the fine book on the shelf, silently, peacefully. And I make it through, again and again. When I'm in trouble, I just look up to God. I see God smiling at me, telling me not to worry, because I can do that, I will finally have my book done. And another. And another.

Onward Rosie.

Shut up and write

- What's the time now?
- 5:46.
- What time did you wake up?
- 5:11.
- What have you done since then?
- Facebook.
- Go to hell, Rosie.

Seriously, I shouldn't spend more time on FB anymore, except for doing useful things.

Now, a note to update things lately. The book is still on track. Cambodia, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore. I'm going to Indonesia now and the Philippines. Then go back, editing the first chapter and the Cambodia or Thailand part, then send to editors and reviewer. This need to be done before my birthday.

But what I'm not satisfied are:
- Still FB at work (especially the last 2 days when I posted a viral post about English studying)
- Not fully concentrate on the book and work with it fully.
- Not moderate as I used to be. Watched movie and slept at 2AM. Woke up late. No reading or writing in the morning. No exercise. This happened since last week when I started watching How I met your mother. It was damn good. But I need moderation and balance. So I have to resist myself from watching it too much.
- I don't counsel on CV and job hunting lately.

Good things:
- When I don't write the book, I write about other topics for my next book, and it went good. Should keep it this way.
- A student invited me to speak at her school's program about job orientation. Should watch comedies and prepare for it. Things like: "finding a job is like finding your soul mate".
- More followers. Haha.

Now need to work on the bad habits and correcting it. Adjusting myself toward the target.

OK keep it up Rosie.

Stories about happiness

1. Quang Trung met Napoleon. The two kings boasted about their victories, showing each other the strategies in combat, and sharing the pressure of being a leader. It was a fine day. They were sitting on a porch, looking to the street outside. A typical Vietnamese street, vehicles passing frenetically, street stalls and vendors selling everything possible on earth. Quang Trung pointed to a sweet potato seller, who was turning her potatoes upside down on the grills, squinting at the sparks of fire flying out of the grill stove. He murmured: "Look, isn't that girl happier than us? She sells all of her potatoes, coming back home with her husband, and have a peaceful night. We, we have many sleepless nights thinking about battles, kingdoms, tactics". Napoleon nodded. And they both sighed, pondering their lives.

 What is the point of this fable, you may ask. Well, my friend, don't you see that even kings are not happy. It seems that there are some happy people in life, but not ourselves, we ourselves are always miserable. The grilled sweet potato seller seemed to be happier than the kings. But who knows if she always had good nights, or if her dreams were shattered by her fear of starving to death. We all suffer from our own troubles in life.

2. I read a quote on Goodreads: "Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know". Sadly, the quote is so true. Intelligent people are unlikely to be happy. They know the dark sides of the world that not all the people know, they see the corrupted politicians that not many people see, and they notice flaws and faults that others barely notice. And they have their own problems, even if they're super intelligent. I know a man who has IQ of hundred something, everything was easy because he is so smart. He never knows what hard work means since his ability is enough. When he was a kid, school was too easy, read the book, answer the questions, got an A. But smart kid got bullied, so he hid it, hiding himself from other people. Until he went to college, he was asocial and lonely. He got lazy as nothing challenges him and he gets bored easily. And he suffers from depression and addiction. Intelligence doesn't make us happier.

Instead, I'm thinking maybe we don't need to be intelligent to be happy. Happy people aren't necessarily the ones who have high IQ. They don't necessarily know everything in life. In the novel Number the stars, the author says: it is much easier to be brave if you don't know everything, we should know only what we need to know. Like that, I think happy people aren't the one who know everything. They know what they need to know. They know what they don't know. And they know what is enough. They are not the smartest guys. But they are wise guys, who manage to be happy without being ignorant.

We're all going to die, my friend. Being happy or being upset, it's a choice of life. For me, I choose happy - go - lucky.