Uh oh or the story of how I became unspeakable

So how is everything up with the presentation class, you may ask.

Well everything is going on pretty well and I had many chances to practice my skills in August. Beside the details in the events I participated, there were other things going on in the class that I want to note down here because I'm going to be 28 year old next month and I soon will be diagnosed with Alzheimer and these memories will soon go away just like my teeth.

Remember the first time I attended the class, I couldn't resist the strange feeling of staying in a class again with all of the people younger than me, and even the teacher was also younger. I was like a kid out of water (is it kid or fish, I don't know, I guess Alzheimer strikes me now. Anyway kid seems to be a good word here).

Then I got used to the lovely youngsters of the class and then things went really really well. Except for the parts when I stood up and didn't know what to say and wanted to commit suicide after that.

Vu taught really really well, did I say that in the previous post. If I did I'm sorry, now I don't remember a thing. And he wouldn't mind if I say this again anyway, yeah he was an excellent teacher. Except for the parts that sometimes in the class I didn't want to talk to him. That was when I felt embarrassed with his comments. It was not his fault. I was a stubborn headstrong bottomstrong (even my toes are strong) girl and I didn't want anyone comment on my performance unless he/she says one of the words like excellent, good job, well done, and best if they say all of these three.

Just kidding, for the record sake, I would say the class was organized in a friendly and casual environment as most of the students are well connected through Your Club. If a new person comes he would feel a bit bewildered at first, and perhaps embarrassed with the criticism if he is a head-to-toe-strong like me. But I'm sure Vu would have appropriate amendment when the class goes public with different types of students. I would then highly recommend it to my brother my father my mother my relatives my friend my sister in law even if now my brother doesn't have a girlfriend yet. And I would 100% guarantee the quality even if I'm not the teacher, hahaha.

Ah, having the TA noted down the comments and sent to the students were a good thing. Especially good for people having Alzheimer like me. And it would be best for me if the teacher kept the comments in written form only and just simply gave the comments in silence, hahaha. Ok ok, I guess I'm a bit more self - conscious than normal people. Well, I'm a highly sensitive person lah. That's my strength although sometimes I feel that strength bothers me more than helping.

I found out gradually that all the students were very lively and lovely and nice. We liked to make joke of each other and of the teacher specifically. Many funny activities went along in the class. One day Ngoc Huynh made up a poem in her presentation and then it turned out to be a surprise birthday party gift for Dy and Hien. The other day we just played and didn't want to continue the class and we finished it fast then called pizza to celebrate Miu Miu's late coming and Vu and Thao's absence. And another time Cam Le was so so sad at us all and the world that she burst into tears during the class. I didn't think it was funny at that time but you know when you get old as 82 (82 or 28, I'm confused) then everything in the past was funny.

Then with the class full of youngsters like that I revealed to them my real identity: a solemn witch eating young adult. Just kidding, I revealed my other part of a child disguising in the body of a 82 year old woman. I remembered the time when I always got the first prize in the story telling contests of my primary school and I wanted to recreate it in the presentation class. So I told the story of the pig happy with his life and I played the pig sleeping on his feces. Then the children tv program with the squirrel and the raccoon MCs. The other time I just stood up and told: "I am a worm living in a manure hole" and I laughed to my ears and watched other students rolling on the floor until Vu told me that my performance was a disaster and I went down with pleasure. Anyway I felt more comfortable with the people and exactly as Vu said they liked me more that way than being a solemn 82 yr old woman with the face of a witch going to eat children.

What impressed me the most during the presentation class was one time I told a totally terrible story about the writer named E. B. White with his isolating lifestyle despite his fame and I wanted to be like that, not being talkative showy flashy. What Vu commented after that struck me with its integrity and it's still in my head now: "Well you don't learn to change yourself but you just need to learn to reveal your true self, to stand up and be your best when and where your readers, your audience and your supporters need you". And I still learn to do that these days. In fact, we never have to change ourselves. Just be our best.

Well the course is going to finish and sometimes I feel like missing the time I had with them all, even though when I attended I was torn with pressure of going to the class and submitting the homework on time and I cursed and screamed.

And tomorrow will be the rehearsal of the final presentation of the course, in a studio. And today I just did my first practice. And I discovered that I spoke like a foreigner speaking Vietnamese for the first time. Or an infant child. Or both, a foreign infant child trying to speak Vietnamese. All I could say for a while was just: uh, ah, oh.

That was just 1 month after my last event and my skill went down this much. Still a long time before I can master it to speak without proper preparation.

TriipMeet@Saigon with Triip.me

August was full of events. I attended the presentation class and all of the sudden many events came to me. That was good since I had many chances to practice my skill in reality.

So the TriipMeet@Saigon was invited by a friend of a friend. And it was totally different from the others.. Because I had to present in English and together with another speaker. He is very experienced in public speaking, talking at TedX Singapore and other barcamps quite often.

Kim, the girl from Triip emailed me before the event to set up the outline for the talk and arranging other things. I was really impressed by her English and professional working style. Until then I was already very confident with the talk show or workshop type. But I was not confident in presentation and public speaking for a long time like 30 mins. And especially in English, it's weird but I'm not 100% confident with my English speaking.

But Vu helped me a lot. He told me to practice and practice, and he spent time to listen to my talk and gave me many useful ideas to make my talk more attractive. He then taught in the class how to prepare for the presentation. Only then did I know that we had to prepare so much time before each presentation. 30 mins rehearsal for 1 minute on stage, means a talk for 10 mins would take us 3 hours to practice. I didn't know if it was by chance or Vu meant it but that class was so helpful to me.

So I got the idea and I went to practice. I already practice before, but I then did again the whole thing that Vu advised. Reading out loud 2 times, speaking in front of an object 1 time, speaking in front of the mirror 1 time, speaking in front of a friend 3 times. Huy told it was good, Tao told Ted Ben Thanh should have invited me to talk (he really liked my talk), Vu told it was fine.

So I was confident to go to the event. I came there 3 hours before the event to do the rehearsal as Kim - TriipMeet informed. When I reached the place, only the other speaker - Preetam - was there. He talked to me and he told a lot of jokes and seemed to be very humorous and funny and I immediately had good impression with him. We waited for others to come but they didn't show up until 4PM.

Kim and other people in the organizing team were all students, very young and nice. But their arrangement has some problems there. The MC showed up late, the technical guy showed up late, the cafe didn't have the projector so they went back to the office and took it. Then we didn't have much of the rehearsal.

Then the MC and me discussed about my talk. On the contrary with the plan, she suggested me to talk all along without her interfering with the questions. I also wanted to stand up to talk to use my body languages so I agreed. But I didn't prepare my power point. I thought for a while and I decided to make some simple slides to divide my talk into small parts, so the audience could follow it.

And then my brother showed up and brought flower, wow, and made me embarrassed (if it were my book launch event it would be more appropriate). And showtime, I went on stage and delivered the speech. And unlike my prediction, the audience didn't laugh at my jokes, only a few times. And there were some foreigners that made me feel like what I talked wouldn't benefit them as they already had many travel experience. But some of the audience looked at me and smiled and I felt good and I continued. At some time of the talk I forgot one or two points but I got back and finished my talk.

Then came Preetam. He made peple laugh at every sentence, and his talk was full of useful tips. A really really skillful guy with much of travel experience. And in the panel discussion he also replied very appropriately with good insight. I was a bit serious with my answers though. But then it was ok, I asked the travel quizzes, handled the gifts I brought and we finished.

We went down to talk with the audience. Some told they liked my talk, a girl asked if I was shaking because she felt my voice not natural. But I felt I didn't tremble, then Huy later verified it. Then other people started to ask me some travel tips and I got to know that they were just newbies. In my talk I omitted all the basic guides because I thought that part was boring, but in fact it would be very helpful for them. Then I felt a little fail.

Anyway, we finished at around 10pm. Preetam suggested me to go dinner with him and his friends, before going back to join Triip.me people in another dinner. I actually wanted to go to with Triip because I wanted to say thanks to Hai - the founder of Triip, I didn't talk with him before the event. But anyway we would go together, I thought, and I joined Preetam and his friends for the mushroom hotpot.

Preetam's friends were university students, later I knew that most of them had travel experience, they went to Japan, Cambodia, New Zealand, etc... and were quite outgoing. I smiled with them and didn't ate much, the food was not healthy. Preetam ate everything and talked about food in Korea and Japan, and spoke Vietnamese and other things in Saigon. Then I knew he was really a local expert. He went around Asia and traveled back and forth among Taiwan, Hongkong, Japan, Singapore, Laos, Cambodia, and he went to Saigon every 2 - 3 months. He had many friends here and he knew the places in Saigon that I even didn't know. He managed to go around and sharing this and that and organised barcamp and reading camp and etc. It was a cool lifestyle. But when he talked about happy pizza in Phnom Penh (containing marajuana), and the way he integrate with the local culture made me wonder who he really was.

It was late at night, Preetam called Hai Triip.me and they were about to leave, so we wouldn't go to meet them. A little pity here, still no chance to talk to Hai and got to understand Triip startup more. Then other friends of Preetam decided to go to a bar. And I said goodbye to them then. Reached home at 11.30 or something and felt really exhausted. Kim sent the message to me, saying that some of her friends really liked my talk and told they were inspired to travel after hearing my sharing, and Preetam shared really nice and useful tricks to them. I didn't know if what she said was true because she was a really clever and diplomatic girl. But anyway I just left it. I felt the talk was ok, not best but not bad.

The next morning I went to the presentation class, still feeling so much tired. But the class was so fun and at some points it helped me to get back my energy. And Cam Le was back to be nearly normal and that made me feel good. Then I went home, feeling tired for the whole day. And I kept thinking about Preetam. His lifestyle was cool, he was really skillful, humorous and intelligent and all. I was curious about him and I was thinking whether to follow him or not, but I felt also something wrong with him and I didn't know what and I just kept thinking. Then I told my brother and he told: "No, his style was totally different with you. He is about small tricks and tips, and you are about inspiring, he is about broadness and you're about dept. You can't imitate him and you shouldn't imitate him. Just do what suits you, that would benefit more people". You see, how nice it is to be around with wise and insightful people. So I just took my brother's advice.

Then Triip sent me the thank you card, which was the first one I received after attending so many events. Their working style was really professional and considerable, I really like it.

So that's all for now. What Vu said was right, I just need to spend an amount of time to practice one skill intensely, and don't have to worry about it anymore, and move on to the next skill.

August almost ends. Come September, with Tarot and my English speaking and integrating with international friends. I want to be fluent & confident with my speaking and social skill. I don't want to get nervous when I stand in front of a native speak and speaking something wrong in grammar.

Thank you em Kim, em Vu, Preetam, all the audience and God.

Notes on public speaking

Until now I already had a few talks in public. Combining with the books I read and the theory in Vu's class, I would like to note down here some ways that work for me on how to calm myself and prepare for a good speech/presentation.

On mental preparation:

I strongly believe in God so the mantras give me more strength and energy

• Mantra: I can do all things through God that strengthenth me.
• Mantra: God is with me, God is helping me, God is guiding me through.
• Mantra: I'm doing this in Love and Service for God. Some mantras work some times but not the other times. Choose what works best for a particular time.

On public speaking:

• You're here because you have something to offer, give it all to them and let the result decided by God.
•  Understand that you are imperfect, you may make mistakes, but be brave, throw your heart out there and be seen, be transparent.
• Your English may not be perfect, your accent may not be native. But leave your fear and speak your heart out.
• You have many stories to tell and your stories are worth sharing.
• You're a human and you're vulnerable, don't be scared to reveal it. Share your success, but remember to share your struggle, share your pain, share your emotion and feeling too.
• You are here to inspire people and make them step out of their comfort zone, so be the role model.
• The audience want you to succeed. They want to have fun and they want to love you. So why not showing them who you are and what they want to see.
• You're going to be in the UN General Assembly one day to present your ideas to save the world. This event is nothing compared to that.
• Always be your self, but be your best self.

On practice:

• Brainstorming the speech using Vu's technique: understanding the audience, focusing on the target, preparing the speech on a paper and write down all the ideas.
• Practice the talk in front of the mirror to see my face expression.
• Practice in front of a close person to get feedback.

At the event:

• Look at the audience deeply to increase the connection.
• Using the PREP to explain the ideas or answer to the question.
• Take a long pause before giving speech, using that time to recite mentally the introduction of the speech.
• Begin and end the talk impressively.
• Focusing on the Energy, the Speed, the Volume and the Pause in your Voice.
• Make people laugh, people cannot hate the person who makes them laugh. (Need to improve my humor in the long term and collect more comic materials).

Practice makes perfect. It's not rocket science.

My talk at the Paradox's workshop

Vu has suggested that I write all my experience regarding public speaking, and my study progress and interaction with other students in the preparation class, and my application of the theory into the reality, so then I would have a little book of "How did Rosie learn to speak" to give away to readers. It was a very cool idea. So now I'm sitting here to note down my thoughts with the latest event: Paradox's workshop on traveling.

Tai, the guy who organised the event this time was an inexperienced university student. So I worked with him closely and gave him the info. & pictures for the power point and revised the agenda and added the contents plus questions for speakers and asked him the attendant lists. Just to make sure that the workshop would go well. I also invited bro Khoa to join the event as I thought his experience would benefit the audience.

And I came then early. I talked with Tai, I thought with Phuc, Paradox's chairman. Then I talked with the MC, and I had a look at the MC Script. Then I was astonished to see that the directing questions I gave Tai so that the MC could lead speakers into the topics were not there. Then I called Tai, and he explained that if the MC gave the questions it would be like a talk show more than a workshop. But I have attended other workshop before and the MC also needed to ask opened questions to navigate the talks to the planned topics. If the speakers just talked it through for 1,5 hours without the MC directing then it would be graceless and the audience would get lost.

So Phuc told me that he was searching again for the questions. And I gave him the questions I had downloaded before into my iPad. Then he told that he would lead the first part of the workshop with these questions as the MC was new and she might not be able to handle the talks well.

Then I was assured and went back to prepare my speech. And bro Khoa came, I had a little chat with him and with the power point operator to warm up at bit. Then music was on and people started to show up. And I swung my head and I took a nice breath. I felt comfortable with the atmosphere around and the music and the people. OMG, I looked at myself had a step back from the inside. When did Rosie start to like the event environment and meeting new people? Wasn't she the shy and isolating girl who wanted to spend most of the time indoor? I smiled at myself and whispered: Things changed so fast.

Then the workshop started with the first part of travel stories. And it was nice. I had no trembling moments. I was able to say what I needed to say, made them laugh and, say, inspired them a bit. I looked at the audience to the eyes with confidence and I really liked it. Seeing the young and lively faces, sharing my stories, giving the useful information. I felt I was doing all of this in my love for God, and I was there to serve these people. So I did the best I could.

Phuc did a great job to direct the show, cheering people up and leading the first part of the workshop really well. Bro Khoa also did not lose a beat in the talk.

The second part of travel planning was not as I expected, as I had to stand up and gave the presentation based on the slides. Although I felt that I could make the presentation more lively and made the audience laugh more, I also felt good and finished it well. Unlike the presentation at TAT's event, this time I felt the connection with the presentation, and only with looking at the pictures on the slides, I was able to remember all the details and talked through them nicely.

And bro Khoa didn't make me disappointed this time. Unlike the Jailbreak event, here he had more space to act. I realized that he also did a good preparation and he showed us all the person I used to know, humorous, generous, adorable and a naturally good man. Some girls wowed when he had the quiz games and gave away three lovely multipurpose scarfs. He totally won the audience. I felt good for him. I felt good about myself too, for inviting him.

With the discussion of the audience and the trial planning for their future trips, the workshop was a bit out of time and it ended pretty late, at 1PM. They even gave me 500,000 VND as a gift for speaker. But I gave it back to the club's fund. I only took the money from selling my 10 books. I was reluctant when Phuc asked me to bring the books to the event, as I just wanted to share and not make it a place to sell book. But I thought it through and said why not. Then it turned out to be good. People bought all and asked me to sign on their books. It was the first event that I brought my books with me to advertise.

Notes for the future events:

• Ask the event organizers to take the video clip of the talk. I asked this time but they seemed not to do it.
• Ask for all the necessary information: The attendant list, the agenda, the slides, especially the MC script.

OK that's it for now.

Thanks to Tai for inviting me to the event. Thanks Phuc to deal with the unexpected problem nicely. And so much thanks to em Vu.

I'm feeling so much grateful and happy.

Ups and downs

It wouldn't be honest if I just note down the times I do well and not the times I fail, (or lets say: the times I need to improve, according to positive thinking :))) ). So here it is, my up and down experience.

There were 2 talk shows on the same day last Saturday. Since I had a trip to Con Dao right before the events, I was a bit worried that I missed out something important and couldn't prepare well for the talks.

But I read The power of positive thinking by Dr Norman Vincent Peale (known as the father of positive thinking), and there were the quotes in the Bible that I really like: "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" and "Christ is with me, Christ is helping, Christ is guiding me through". I did as the author suggested, whispering the sentence (replacing Christ by God) and I did feel stronger and more confident. So I kept repeating the words, felt the strength in my heart, and thought about positive things.

And to make sure that I would do well, I stayed much time indoor to prepare for the speeches. I answered the questions in the Jailbreak event. I wrote down the map for the travel event of Thailand Authority of Tourism (TAT) as The Guide Happiness Vu had taught, understanding your audience, beginning, ending, content.... Then I imagined in my head that the two events would go smoothly and everybody would be pleased with my performance.

Then came the events' day.

I landed at the airport at 8.30 and went to the first event at Jailbreak exactly on time. Then the introduced our talks. That was quite an experienced MC, a student from UEH.

I started off well and was confident to deliver my thoughts throughout the event. Another speaker, anh Quy, also talked really well. He was always impressive in front of the public, his skill was so good.

But I was surprised with bro Khoa in that event. He looked down a lot and didn't keep eye contact with the audience or other speakers. He was not funny, talkative and lovely as he normally acted in previous event. I didn't know what happen to him. Anyway, the event ended, some people went to talk with me, including some journalists and I felt quite satisfied. Anh Quy and his friend also commented that I spoke like a poet, including many quotes and stories and useful information.

And we went to the second event. Anh Quy had the rehearsal on the stage and so did I. People started to show up and I saw my friend Vu. 

Then there was the showtime. Anh Quy's presentation was quite long,  but he did well with his usual energetic gesture and his humor. I felt a bit nervous, but kept repeating the words: "God is with me, God is helping me, God is guiding me through". 

Then came my talk. And I didn't know why but I lost my spirit. I didn't forget my speech, but my words became to rush and I felt my voice trembled. I wanted to take a deep breath and calmed myself down but I couldn't. I started sweating. I heard people talking loudly. I thought they were all laughing at me. I laughed along just to hide my embarrassment. "This is bad", I thought. "Where are you God?" I asked.

That was a catastrophe, I told to myself. I was very good at the talk show - asking and answering type - in the morning, but I felt not very comfortable with the presentation and all the slides. I didn't feel the connection with the slides at all.

But I was glad it ended.

It was stressful and rushing working on that event. And people called me out for meetings suddenly. One time I had to cancel my cooking with the yoga teacher to attend the meeting and I felt a bit bad about that. I usually have my work scheduled way ahead and I want my appointments to be planned beforehand.

Anyway, I was grateful to anh Quy and TAT for inviting me to his event, although I didn't do very well. I was grateful to know more techniques of presentation from my class, although I didn't apply well. I was grateful that things could have been worse.

What happened, happened. There was nothing I could do about it. I went to the thank you dinner with TAT with a bit of shame still. But I tried to show my thankfulness to the head of TAT (I really liked her, I liked Thai people), and talked friendly with people to create good atmosphere.

Then I went home and slept with peace.

August 2nd 2015

I want to note down this day. A day to remember. A day to remark.

Because it was the first day in my life that I felt so happy to stand in front of people.

I attended a seminar as a guest speaker. A small seminar, the audience were mainly high school and university students. I was there and shared my journey, my stories, my thoughts with young people. No panic, no shaking, no scare. I was able to deliver all the ideas that I had prepared, made people laugh sometimes, and said what I needed to say most of the time.

Two other speakers were also very talented. There was a girl who was famous and very experienced in public speaking, being an MC and all. I was quite nervous in the morning of that day when seeing her vlog, as I thought: "Wow, she is really a showbiz girl" and I was not sure if I would feel inferior and draw myself back in front of such people as I usually did. But it was ok. Her talk was impressive, with some techniques to draw intention and some nice jokes. But I felt proud of myself that I answered the questions better and focused right at the points that the audience wanted. And when I replied to the questions, I looked down and I saw the face of the people, with thumb up signs and happy faces, I just knew that I did a good job.

It's not because that the other speakers were not good. They were very talented and their lives were full of successes. But because of that they didn't quite understand the feeling of having a boring life, of feeling fed up with the self and wanted to change. But I did. I led a boring life in my youth. I had been a quiet and normal girl, wanted to change my life but didn't know how. I was through the struggles that the audience had. I understood how they felt, what they wanted. I knew how to change, to improve, to become better and have a fuller life.

When the seminar was over, people were around me, asking more questions. I was in the middle of the crowd, seeing young faces, listening to their stories, feeling their struggles, their lost, their dreams and their thoughts. It was a good feeling. They reminded me of my youth.

And I was there, sharing my story, sharing my independent learning process, sharing my experience. The little girls nodded and their faces glowed as I spoke my heart out to them. The person who organised the seminar told me that audience was impressed with my talk. And when I went home I saw new Fb friend requests and I saw a post of a boy quoting my words, saying: best quote of the seminar. I knew my words could make changes.

It may not be a big thing for other people. But it's a big thing for me.

Because public speaking has never been my strength.

When I was in primary and secondary school, I was strong and confident, my mom was a teacher and she taught me that attitude. I went to story telling competition, I sang in the conference, and I was not nervous to stand in front of people. But in high school time, my teacher discouraged us to raise our hands in the class, maybe not his will but by his attitude. Whenever we stood up to reply to his questions, he made jokes on us and made us feel bad. I felt humiliated sometimes by his attitude. So I didn't grow the habit of standing up in front of people and speaking up my ideas.

Going to a university with full of talented and aggressive people, I then drew back to my shell and became an introvert, quiet and shy girl. During the years working in corporate world I also hardly had chance to give a public speech.

But now being an author, a health coach and a life coach wannabe, public speaking is a necessary skill for me. I want to share my thoughts, share my dreams, share my ideas to young people and inspire them to live up to their passions and aptitudes.

I have attended a presentation class from my dear young friend Vu. I was tired with the homework and felt so much pressure. But I knew I had to make it. I have big dreams and I need good tools.

Perhaps it's because of the good teacher. Perhaps because I had prepared so well for the seminar. Perhaps I was passionate with the topic. Perhaps because of all these reasons. But I had the first good seminar ever. And this is only the beginning. This is the turning point. I want to note it down. So much joy and love.

I'm so much grateful.

To teacher Vu for helping me with my presentation skill.

To em Chau for inviting me to her seminar.

To the audience that listened to me and sent me their lovely messages to share their feelings.

To life that has been so good to me, that I have the chance to live in this world as a human.

And to God that gave me my aptitude. I feel so lucky to find out my talent, to know my passion, to work and to live with it. 

So many people out there don't know what their passion is.