Ups and downs

It wouldn't be honest if I just note down the times I do well and not the times I fail, (or lets say: the times I need to improve, according to positive thinking :))) ). So here it is, my up and down experience.

There were 2 talk shows on the same day last Saturday. Since I had a trip to Con Dao right before the events, I was a bit worried that I missed out something important and couldn't prepare well for the talks.

But I read The power of positive thinking by Dr Norman Vincent Peale (known as the father of positive thinking), and there were the quotes in the Bible that I really like: "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" and "Christ is with me, Christ is helping, Christ is guiding me through". I did as the author suggested, whispering the sentence (replacing Christ by God) and I did feel stronger and more confident. So I kept repeating the words, felt the strength in my heart, and thought about positive things.

And to make sure that I would do well, I stayed much time indoor to prepare for the speeches. I answered the questions in the Jailbreak event. I wrote down the map for the travel event of Thailand Authority of Tourism (TAT) as The Guide Happiness Vu had taught, understanding your audience, beginning, ending, content.... Then I imagined in my head that the two events would go smoothly and everybody would be pleased with my performance.

Then came the events' day.

I landed at the airport at 8.30 and went to the first event at Jailbreak exactly on time. Then the introduced our talks. That was quite an experienced MC, a student from UEH.

I started off well and was confident to deliver my thoughts throughout the event. Another speaker, anh Quy, also talked really well. He was always impressive in front of the public, his skill was so good.

But I was surprised with bro Khoa in that event. He looked down a lot and didn't keep eye contact with the audience or other speakers. He was not funny, talkative and lovely as he normally acted in previous event. I didn't know what happen to him. Anyway, the event ended, some people went to talk with me, including some journalists and I felt quite satisfied. Anh Quy and his friend also commented that I spoke like a poet, including many quotes and stories and useful information.

And we went to the second event. Anh Quy had the rehearsal on the stage and so did I. People started to show up and I saw my friend Vu. 

Then there was the showtime. Anh Quy's presentation was quite long,  but he did well with his usual energetic gesture and his humor. I felt a bit nervous, but kept repeating the words: "God is with me, God is helping me, God is guiding me through". 

Then came my talk. And I didn't know why but I lost my spirit. I didn't forget my speech, but my words became to rush and I felt my voice trembled. I wanted to take a deep breath and calmed myself down but I couldn't. I started sweating. I heard people talking loudly. I thought they were all laughing at me. I laughed along just to hide my embarrassment. "This is bad", I thought. "Where are you God?" I asked.

That was a catastrophe, I told to myself. I was very good at the talk show - asking and answering type - in the morning, but I felt not very comfortable with the presentation and all the slides. I didn't feel the connection with the slides at all.

But I was glad it ended.

It was stressful and rushing working on that event. And people called me out for meetings suddenly. One time I had to cancel my cooking with the yoga teacher to attend the meeting and I felt a bit bad about that. I usually have my work scheduled way ahead and I want my appointments to be planned beforehand.

Anyway, I was grateful to anh Quy and TAT for inviting me to his event, although I didn't do very well. I was grateful to know more techniques of presentation from my class, although I didn't apply well. I was grateful that things could have been worse.

What happened, happened. There was nothing I could do about it. I went to the thank you dinner with TAT with a bit of shame still. But I tried to show my thankfulness to the head of TAT (I really liked her, I liked Thai people), and talked friendly with people to create good atmosphere.

Then I went home and slept with peace.

August 2nd 2015

I want to note down this day. A day to remember. A day to remark.

Because it was the first day in my life that I felt so happy to stand in front of people.

I attended a seminar as a guest speaker. A small seminar, the audience were mainly high school and university students. I was there and shared my journey, my stories, my thoughts with young people. No panic, no shaking, no scare. I was able to deliver all the ideas that I had prepared, made people laugh sometimes, and said what I needed to say most of the time.

Two other speakers were also very talented. There was a girl who was famous and very experienced in public speaking, being an MC and all. I was quite nervous in the morning of that day when seeing her vlog, as I thought: "Wow, she is really a showbiz girl" and I was not sure if I would feel inferior and draw myself back in front of such people as I usually did. But it was ok. Her talk was impressive, with some techniques to draw intention and some nice jokes. But I felt proud of myself that I answered the questions better and focused right at the points that the audience wanted. And when I replied to the questions, I looked down and I saw the face of the people, with thumb up signs and happy faces, I just knew that I did a good job.

It's not because that the other speakers were not good. They were very talented and their lives were full of successes. But because of that they didn't quite understand the feeling of having a boring life, of feeling fed up with the self and wanted to change. But I did. I led a boring life in my youth. I had been a quiet and normal girl, wanted to change my life but didn't know how. I was through the struggles that the audience had. I understood how they felt, what they wanted. I knew how to change, to improve, to become better and have a fuller life.

When the seminar was over, people were around me, asking more questions. I was in the middle of the crowd, seeing young faces, listening to their stories, feeling their struggles, their lost, their dreams and their thoughts. It was a good feeling. They reminded me of my youth.

And I was there, sharing my story, sharing my independent learning process, sharing my experience. The little girls nodded and their faces glowed as I spoke my heart out to them. The person who organised the seminar told me that audience was impressed with my talk. And when I went home I saw new Fb friend requests and I saw a post of a boy quoting my words, saying: best quote of the seminar. I knew my words could make changes.

It may not be a big thing for other people. But it's a big thing for me.

Because public speaking has never been my strength.

When I was in primary and secondary school, I was strong and confident, my mom was a teacher and she taught me that attitude. I went to story telling competition, I sang in the conference, and I was not nervous to stand in front of people. But in high school time, my teacher discouraged us to raise our hands in the class, maybe not his will but by his attitude. Whenever we stood up to reply to his questions, he made jokes on us and made us feel bad. I felt humiliated sometimes by his attitude. So I didn't grow the habit of standing up in front of people and speaking up my ideas.

Going to a university with full of talented and aggressive people, I then drew back to my shell and became an introvert, quiet and shy girl. During the years working in corporate world I also hardly had chance to give a public speech.

But now being an author, a health coach and a life coach wannabe, public speaking is a necessary skill for me. I want to share my thoughts, share my dreams, share my ideas to young people and inspire them to live up to their passions and aptitudes.

I have attended a presentation class from my dear young friend Vu. I was tired with the homework and felt so much pressure. But I knew I had to make it. I have big dreams and I need good tools.

Perhaps it's because of the good teacher. Perhaps because I had prepared so well for the seminar. Perhaps I was passionate with the topic. Perhaps because of all these reasons. But I had the first good seminar ever. And this is only the beginning. This is the turning point. I want to note it down. So much joy and love.

I'm so much grateful.

To teacher Vu for helping me with my presentation skill.

To em Chau for inviting me to her seminar.

To the audience that listened to me and sent me their lovely messages to share their feelings.

To life that has been so good to me, that I have the chance to live in this world as a human.

And to God that gave me my aptitude. I feel so lucky to find out my talent, to know my passion, to work and to live with it. 

So many people out there don't know what their passion is.

A day in my life

It's just a normal day in my life. And I'm sitting in a cafe, writing the article that I promised to write.

And Passenger's songs whispering to my ears, and green flowering vines outside of the cafe window.

And I tell myself, what a beautiful day. And I feel the impulse to note down.

The freedom that I have fought for. The moment that I have been longing for. The time of my life.

To get out of the office room, to do what I love, to spend time with the people I like, to step out of my comfort zone, to try new things, to bring more values, and feeling alive.

Not quite sure what the future will hold. But quite a few things have been coming to me. Like meeting new people, receiving new co-operation offers, having more connections.

I'm going to spend the next 6 months to work from home.
In order to do that, I need to arrange scientifically to make the best use of my time, which will be noted in my notebook. And I need to consistently stick to it.

A new journey ahead.

Keep your head up, your smile bright, your heart open. And work. 

Value is what matters the most

Hey it's me again.

It's been a while and there have been a few things happening a long the way.

I resigned finally. After so much struggle.

My direct boss tried to keep me as long as possible, 45 working days, equal to more than 2 months. I was quite angry at that as normally it's only 45 days, means 5 weeks. It's a waste of company's money and employee's time, as you know once the person doesn't want to stay, trying to keep him/her only makes things worse.

Anyway I just let it go and do what I can to make the transition as smooth as possible while still enjoy myself.

I don't feel afraid of the future or anything.

Although I know that things will change a bit or maybe I will get frustrated about what to do next and I may stumble on the way. But at the point of time I just regret only one thing: I should have left the f*cking company earlier.

Tony Hsieh walked out of Oracle just 5 months after joining as a newly graduated student. Leaving a high paid job and building his own company.

After reading his book I just realized that I prolonged my resignation for so long, much longer than I should. I've been through many days walking to the company and then walking back home like a zombie.

But I just talked to myself to try through one and one single day, thinking to overcome the challenges and hardship and not quitting so easily. And I didn't really do anything effective there. I was just simply wasting my time to get some little money to survive.

Sometimes persistence kicks back.

So to correct my words, the company is not f*cking bad, it's only f*cking bad for me.

Frankly speaking, that was once a very good company and my position was once my dream job. People felt like a family and I felt like home being there. Every weekends we would gather together and go picnic in somewhere far away from the city. Man I miss that time.

Things have changed. New people came. Departments got conflict. A lot of dispute and back talk and tiring meetings. There is no fun left. Sometimes I look back and wonder what actually happened. What actually went wrong.

Until I read Tony Hsieh's book again. It's the culture. No one there to keep the culture up. As the business gets bigger people tend to forget the core things. They tend to focus more on profit, forget to have fun and build the culture.

And I was wrong too.

There I've been working so hard to be effective. My SCM KPI was the highest among the whole region. But I forgot to communicate with people. And in the end people don't remember what I did, they only remember how I make them feel. In the end my boss doesn't remember how much I devoted my time and effort to make things well. She only remembers that I didn't talk to her much and what I didn't do and my mistakes, etc. That's a hard lesson to learn.

Applying it to my future.

Now I'm building my own business. It's not a big one, but it's growing with faithful customers.
Sometimes I got lost, got envious with others. Sometimes I got lazy, don't want to grow it.

But I have built it well up to this point. Differently, focusing on values and niche market and interaction. Sharing useful information and values and having fun together.

So I have to focus on how people feel. By applying yoga philosophy here: respecting all people and treating them all the same, regardless of age, appearance, social status or religion belief...

I have to be more friendly and accessible. Being easy to talk to and let people feel welcomed being with me.

I have to listen more, seeing the positive things in people, building up friendships and real connection.

I have to focus on the values I can bring to them. Not doing the tricky things like scandal or something to get attention.

I have to lower my ego and serve more people.

I have to make things attractive, up to the current trend so the values I bring can spread more to potential customers. Without attractive forms, values cannot go very far.

Value is what matters the most. And how we convey the messages are as much important as value.

Love yourself

(For a friend who is having a broken heart)

Hey dear

Remember the time when you were up all night long, tears in your eyes, pain in your heart, thinking about the one who made you swept. Remember when everything you thought of waking up in the morning is the one. Remember the time when you almost couldn't have anything tasty in your mouth 'coz every dish reminded you of that one, and you couldn't feel the taste of the dish and you just wanted to throw up. Everything around you reminded you of the one, the corner when you had walked together hands in hands, the street when he told you to shout out loud, the restaurant you both loved, the placed the one gave you that sweet kiss, and many many things else, and your head just always spin around. And you just couldn't stop crying.

My dear.

Seeing you like this just make me so bad, and I can't stop hugging you. I've been there, and I understand your pain. And whenever you need, just let me know, I'll be with you. But no, I won't let you have more than 7 notes to moan about the one, we won't be. I will just let you have some time to let your heart cries out. And then no more. I will tell you about the movie about life that I love, about the little silly birds quarreling in my yard every morning. And you're gonna tell me about your little favorite thing, "Raindrop on roses and whiskers on kittens. Or bright copper kettles and warm woollen mittens. Brown paper packages tied up with strings". And here you go, off you go, feeling better now?

My lovely dear.

Please, please, please stop thinking about the one. And start loving yourself. While you're crying your heart out and sleepless and in anorexia, what is he or she doing? Sleeping in peace, enjoying life, or laughing off leaving a fool like you. Yeah it's you, everyone is a fool in love. But don't be a fool for so long. Love yourself as you are the only person on earth who is fully responsible of your own life. If you don't love yourself, then who else will do it? Give your heart a break, and give yourself sometimes to be friend with yourself.

I've been there, my dear. And I'm still alive, doing fine. You will be fine too my dear. As long as you start loving yourself, think about your need, your feeling, your future with or without the one. What the hell, you'll be doing alright.

Love.

Got lost and got back again

Hey diary

How are you? Good? Nice to hear so. Me? Fine fine, yeah, just fine.

Yeah diary, I got lost. But not got lost in the PR things and felt myself more important than real, or feeling like a super star and having big ego. No, I got lost on the way up.

The thing is there are so many books releasing at the same time with mine. And these books were PR and sold really really well.

And that's where I got lost. In envy.

I was worried that my book wouldn't be known by many people. That it would lose its game in competing with others. That I wouldn't have a good book launch event. And many other things.

But when you get lost, that's when you should get back to the root.

And the root is my friends.

The younger friend who helped me for the book launch: "No sister, book launch should be fun. You're writing because it's fun. You're doing this for fun. So relax and be happy. All iz well"

My best friend: "Well, at the first time you have defined yourself different from other writers. You have chose quality not quantity. You have been different on this road. That's how you made your book. Differently, uniquely, and approaching a niche market but not mass market. Like Le Cat Trong Ly. She is not the best known artist, and her music is different, and a bit weird. But you see, how she gained her fans and her fame. No need to be the most famous one. You just need to be yourself. Stick to what you chose".

My friend in Ha Noi: "I'm no longer interested in travel books and travel writing. But your book is different. I think it's best used for new independent travelers, it brings new values and knowledge. Many books got hot at the first time, but won't stay for long, because they don't have real values. But I believe your book was written to last. It takes time. So be patient".

So I got back, again. Being myself, and again believe in my books. Those haters will hate, just let it touches those who will love it.

I write this to remind myself about the root. I'm a slow but strong person and I reach this far anyway. So does my book. Let it be slow and firm. Let it go at its own pace.

Rosie, never forget your book's values. Never forget the reasons why you wrote it. Never forget, you wrote it with love, so be filled with love. Always.

A note to self

Hey diary

How are you?

I know I know, I've been silent for a long time. And there is no excuse for that. People say that they are busy, but one can never be busy for what he wants to do.

So I informed my book launch yesterday on my Facebook, and got a bit satisfying result. I also started my fanpage yesterday. It was a good day :).


In the next few weeks, there will be PR and marketing and advertising for my book launch. And there will be more things to release and I'm ready for the next step. Yet I don't want to get lost into these frivolous things. Before going further, I feel the need to note down something.

- Remember to keep my words straight, honest and sincere. I become who I am now as people came and supported me, so remember to treat them like friends and be grateful. I owed them that.
- Remember who I am, what my values are, and what I can give to those in need. Remember to work hard, to be humber, to serve for a higher cause.
- Remember to enjoy the moment and cherish life. Let things come and go, let only peace remains.

So, keep things simple:
- Wake up early and continue to work hard. There is no reason to stop working once I'm done with the first book writing.
-  Keep reading books for 20 pages a day.
- Keep writing 1000 words per day. See how other people start to expect from me more, so think how I can serve them more.
- Jogging is good for my health. Elizabeth Gilbert, Stephen Kings, Murakami Haruki and many more I don't know had proved how jogging and running worked for their minds and body. I need to follow the path.
- Pray and meditate. And thank god every day.


Yesterday I met a very interesting guy, a travel blogger. What he told was amazing. He had pretty awesome ideas about blogging and making a living with that. And I felt it's pretty cool if he can do that, making a network between Vietnamese travel bloggers, supporting each other, making us live comfortably from blogging, and inspiring more people to travel. So why not.

But working on ideas is always a big part. I feel people around me all are struggling to do the same thing, quit their jobs, work for themselves, living well. But very few managed to do that.

Why, the question struck me. Not working hard enough, I can say. It's non sense to say: I'm busy so I can't do that. It's a big lie. There is always time for doing anything we want.

I have worked persistently and diligently for the last six months to finish my book. And I had a full time job during that whole time. If I continue like this, I can achieve any goal I want. Otherwise, being sluggish and lazy will bring me back to the starting position.

So, next challenge coming up. Work for myself. Serve more people. Experience a bigger life.

I'm filled with love.