Life here and there

I put my coat on, lock the door, and go down the stair. It’s hot and sunny outside. Inhaling a long breath, I smell the scent of vivid life around. A Sunday morning like any other weekend, people are standing and talking, selling things out on the street, passing me on their bikes.

Sometimes I come up with funny idea of collecting living stories. My stories, your stories, his stories, her stories, all putting together to make a lively picture of life, here and there, everywhere on earth.

What I like living here is sunlight. I love the sun, loving its beautiful rays shining on things around me, loving the colorful light it creates when going through different lenses of life. If there were a previous life, I would be a member of a tribe worshiping the Solar deity. Living here, I can have sunlight every month, every season, all year long. The sun makes me alive, wiping out the dark thoughts, keeping me away from the sudden depressed feeling of a typical moody person.

Food is another plus. Nothing beats Vietnamese cuisine, seriously. Food is a big part of the culture. Walking around the market, choosing fresh ingredients, adding a lot of herbs, and enjoying the homemade meals with the family is one of my favorite things. A combination of different delicate spices, a balance between yin and yang, the food inside my mouth is just like a carnival that revives all of my senses. Not to mention the diversity of fruits here, omg, I can hardly survive a day without fruit.

And the people. Friendly and warm-hearted, talkative and caring, they give more energy to my life, even when I least need human connection.

My life has changed over the last year. Trying, failing and winning some new things, going out of my comfort zone, pushing myself to the limits, opening up my mouth, I found more friends and I found myself. Thanks to a variety of physical and mental activities, I’m now able to feel happiness whenever I want. Just close my eyes, taking a long deep breath, smelling the wind outside the window and smiling with myself, there I feel, inside my chest, a emerging joy comes up and spreads along my body, leaving a relaxing sensation. “Happiness is only a state of mind”, it’s said.

Happiness is not a problem for me, excellence is. I'm craving for excellence, wishing to touch my dreams giving all my best, living with all my capability and contribute to the development of this world. I hate the daily routine of petty jobs that drains my energy. But it's how life always is, like any other people around me. 

People here are nice. But besides a circle of my peers, people here are working class, trying to earn a living every day, working for money to grow themselves and their family, spending spare time with gossip or drinking. No further meaning in life, no other education or knowledge, no ambition and dream, they’re born and die without leaving a footprint on earth.

I hate living that way. I’m scared of it. I’m freaking out of the thought to end my life in a small dusty room, regretting about a boring and empty life that I haven’t done enough meaningful things.

I found my passion, I know it deep in my heart. If there is anything that I’m proud of myself, if there is anything that makes me different from others, that is writing. Writing fulfills me, pushing back the dark force inherent in human soul, giving me strength and helps me to find my true self. There is always a desire inside me to sit down and write a masterpiece, the one that will mark my name on this world, to set my footprint, to share the values that I believe in. I know I have a skill on that, people compliment on my writing, friends and family encourage me to write more. I know I can make it through continuous effort.

But right now I’m stuck. I don’t know what to do next with my writing. I want to get out of the boring 8 – 5 office life, having more time to write and make some money out of that, to travel to other places on earth, having more experience and stories to keep writing. But where should I begin? How should I earn money from writing? What is the next step? Fashion trends for teenager magazine? It doesn't mean anything to me. Love stories with romantic and unreal scenes, I’m long over that age. Most of newspapers, magazines with all the information and trends are bullshit. I want to write things to inspire people, make them aware of the vicious cycle of life and thrive to live the best they can, loving life and standing together to protect the nature and resolve the problems on earth. But how can I keep developing my writing, and share more values through it, and make it thrive? I haven’t found out the answer yet.

I was reading Will you be there of Guillaume Musso. Its funny that I found the book not excellent as I expected, I thought I could write a book like that. I smiled thinking that what counts after reading the book is not the book itself, but my own thoughts reading it. I remind of the meaning of simple thing, real friendship, sequence of our actions on people's lives. Each of our decision affects life in a different way, good or bad is in our hands. So I have to make a choice in my life, continue to make a good difference in other people’s lives around me, with my writing, with my presence, with my love.

It's how you are loved.

Just watch Before sunrise for a weekend movie. Needless to say how awesome it was. But a thing came into my mind when the last scene passed by. That you don't need to be somebody to be loved. You can be a damn wanderer who doesn't even have enough money to rent a hotel room. You can be a daydreaming student like millions of others. Yet you can be loved, with heart and soul. What really counts here is how you live your life, with all of your ideas, your feelings, your reflections.

I was once afraid that I was not good enough to be loved. But I realized that it was not true. You don't need to be so good. In fact, love makes you feel good, and makes you better gradually. 

First time with yoga

I saw the post about free relaxing yoga class on Couchsurfing some weeks ago. I always wanted to try yoga before. But I’m skeptical (I’m always skeptical), what if it’s another kind of advertisement. Then a friend in my swimming club went there and told me: “It was awesome, you gotta give it a try.” So there I was, in a sunny Sunday afternoon.

We were on the rooftop terrace. It was terribly sunny. The teacher gave me a yoga mat and instructed the poses. I put my head down to the ground, smelled the mat, feeling a bit awkward. But the teacher kept her patience, and I kept doing it. After a while, I felt an enthusiasm raising in myself. I loved this pose, I loved this mat, I loved every minute passing by. The white big clouds slowly flowed on the clear blue sky, the wind was blowing, and there was a big grin on my face. At the end, the teacher gave us some back massage, pressing the points that I could never do for myself. She then turned on the chanting music, and retreated, leaving us in relaxing condition. I turned around, hearing the soothing voice of the singer, seeing white clouds on blue sky. Peaceful.

We went downstair and joined the relaxing session there. The other teacher, her husband, advised us to close our eyes. And the guitar strumming, wild and free like the wind blowing through a green forest. In a moment, I felt myself turning into a horse, running in a grass field, high above, an eagle flying up, and beyond the mountains ahead, the sun was setting, shinning his bright yellow rays. Music stopped. I opened my eyes, tears falling on two cheeks, feeling a wonderful relief. Yes, it was the one. It was exactly what I had been looking for. Yoga greeted me in its warm and opened arms.

I was very happy, I was very glad. I was glad that I came. Feeling grateful for what the teachers did, and wished I would become someone similar in the future.

Yoga Lifestyle Class
Photo credit: Luis Gonzalez Medina.

List of books for my future children

I wish to have 4 children. I decided so. Since some of my friends asked for recommendation about books for their children, and I've suggested them some of the times, but may forget in the future, so I come up with the idea of listing all of the books here, and keep updating the books from time to time.

So here's what I remember, for now (30th Jun 2013) (random sequence):

1/ The story of a Seagull and a Cat who taught her to Fly - Luis Sepulveda.
2/ King Solomon's Mines - Rider Haggard.
3/ Sans Famille - Hector Malot
4/ Harry Potter series - JK Rowling.
5/ Around the world in Eighty Days - Jules Verne.
6/ The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho.
7/ Buratino or the golden key - Aleksey Nikolayevich Tolstoy.
6/ Scarlet sails - Alexander Grin.
8/ Oliver Twist - Charles Dicken.
9/ The little Prince - Antoine de Saint - Exupery.
10/ A little Princess -  France Hodgson Burnett
11/ The Secret Garden - France Hodgson Burnett.
12/ Emily of New Moon - L.M. Montgomery.
13/ Adventures of Tomek Wilmowski - Alfred Szklarski.
14/ The strange adventures of Karik and Valia - Yan Leopoldovich Larri.
15/ In desert and Wilderness - Henryk Sienkiewicz.
16/ Totochan: The little girl at the window -  Kuroyanagi Tetsuko.
17/ The Adventures of Neznaika and his friends - Nikolay Nosov.
18/ Haroun and the Sea of Stories - Salman Rushdie.
19/ Heart - Edmondo De Amicis.

Do you best in what you are doing

Job is less pressured lately, maybe bcz joy is brought around the working desk.
Reading and studying some useful information, trying to finish and follow things closely. Closer to the best.

Talked to my junior and learned how the people at my age, some actually are my peers at, develop their values and make them idols to be admired.
A bit envy at first.

But down deep inside, I know they worked hard to be at the top notch, that I partly congrat on their success. And me, there is a long way to go, there're a lot of things to do, and many places to set my footprint on. Need to keep educating myself daily. Need to learn new things daily. Need to develop daily. Slow, but strong.

Realize that why I'm struggling right now. All is good, my job, my accomodation, my life. But good is actually not good enough. Because I myself didn't do my best and use all of my competencies. So always feel missing. What I need to do is to satisfy myself, by working damn hard to be acknowledged, by writing with passion and feel released, by travel and obtain all the world beauty, and leave the legacy to others.

So, I'm gonna do my best in what I'm doing. Gonna give it all what I have and see how life returns me. Trying hard and improve day by day. Lets see how I meet a new me in another 365 days

Things to smile about....

1. Having best mom I've ever seen. Not only a good mom but also a genuine educator.
2. Good and caring brother who always make me laugh with his humor, and never sulk when I scold him in bad mood.
3. One grandfather and two grandmothers are still healthy. Like big old trees, they pour shade of wisdom, love and understanding to me whenever I'm with them.
4. Good apartment and a nice roommate to be with, cook delicious food and always tell stories to me.
5. A wonderful job and friendly working environment that I once dreamed of.
6. Good body, good senses. Not blind, nor deaf, nor any sickness or injury currently.
7. Doing tai chi quan early morning with the old people in the nearby yard, feeling fresh wind and listening to sparrows chat chit.
8. The stars are shining now. And the sun will rise again tomorrow.
9. Many people like me. And I like them too.
10. Somebody loves me. And I love them too.

Writing in the weekend night, after losing my earring of memories. Feeling so down.

The twentysomething nursery rhyme

Found this nice rhym from Paul Angone in a cloudy morning and felt like some sun ray shinning in my heart. Wanna share it so the rhyme may shine somewhere too.

There was a young twentysomething who lived in a shoe.

She had so much debt she didn’t know what to do.

She interned and hustled, without any luck.

Now she wakes up depressed, working part-time at Starbucks.