Thirty minutes

1. I read diligently, but haven't written much lately. I don't know what to write down now actually, although my mind is full of thought. Writing in English and in Vietnamese are totally different, it's like different kinds of thinking, not simply translating your thoughts from one language into another. Plus when writing in English I'm afraid of making mistake and repeating words, it stops me right there. But I try to write. I want to sharpen my English writing skill. In deed I have been in a struggle for the past two weeks about writing, thinking the road to my dream life of being a full time writer is still so far away, while I'm so tired of my current job, of the people around me, of everything in my life. But then I read a quote from my favorite writer: "It's not the world's fault that you want to become a writer. The world owns you nothing. So stop complaining and get back to work". So true. I also realized that if I want to be a writer, I have to write everyday. That writer also said: "set your clock for 30 minutes a day and sit down and write everyday, everyday". That simple truth is easy to see, I knew somewhere in my mind, yet still not really doing now. I just write when the fit is on. But it's not a good strategy. So here I am, sit down and write for 30 minutes. God, please help me to keep this habit for 21 days.

2. More about the struggle that I have been through recently, it's not only about writing (when you're in crisis, all the things just throw up on you), but also about meaning of life. Again the same old questions, emerging while I'm in the mess of life, who I am, what I'm here for, where to go in life, what is the meaning of my life. Deep in my heart, I know the answer. But I'm just confused and being torn away from two lifestyles, living the way I like and living the way I'm expected to. My ideal life is to be a writer and traveler (yoga teacher is somewhere in between), living simply in material but abundant in spirit. But I'm yet to be sure how to make it real. I want to quit my job and travel for a year as per my lifelong wish, then come back and write about my journey, and start my writing career. But my family and the society's idea is to be top notch in my current profession and live comfortably with the money I earn, and forget about dreams and aspiration. But you know, even the high class people are not happy with their lives until they find their true selves. My boss, a business man with hundred thousands dollars yearly earning, being general director at such a young age, owns two more companies, he seems to have everything that people desire. But he is physically weak, and always stressful. In a dinner together, he told me: "I don't know what should I do next, resigning this job, but then what." It strikes me that he is still struggling with his life. He does his current job just as he is good at it, and it satisfies his ego. But it's also not his dream job, ,he still hasn't found out the meaning in life. 

Some people find life to be temporary, and seek consolation in religions. Some others work diligently to save money, getting married, have children, have some small savings, and satisfied with that, my boss just simply has more than a small savings. But I wonder whether that is all what life about. Is that it? Certainly no. I find the meaning of my life through writing, telling stories, inspiring. Right now I just don't know how to live fully with it. Like Paulo Coelho, like Elizabeth Gilbert, like Stephen King, like J.K Rowling. Maybe with this 30 mins a day like this, I can move slowly forward.

3. It's more than 30 mins now already. But I still want to jot down another thing. The problem I have with communication, just one of the things I'm struggling with. I'm an introvert person, and I prefer time being alone, reading, writing, swimming, doing yoga, jogging. I don't like to talk to people, especially people at work, I find them bland. I often fall into isolation, hiding from the world. I find no meaning communicating with the people I don't like and pretend to like them or communicate to have a broader network for work or something like that. But you know what? I love communication, I mean deep meaningful conversation that brings understanding and joy and amity. So let me think about it that way. Communication is not to take advantage of the people I talk to for later use, but to connect, to share and be shared, to understand and be understood. So take it that way, let me be more open and talk to people, and improve my communication skill.